


Don't Walk Away

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Frottage, Homophobia, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 12:49:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it comes to the social hierarchy of Avalon College, Arthur Pendragon is like royalty.  He is at the very top with the rest of the football team. Merlin, the silent, invisible emo kid, doesn't fit in anywhere. They couldn't be more different, or more perfect for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Walk Away

**Author's Note:**

> I guess everyone in the fandom has their own high school homophobia fic, and this one is mine. Sort of inspired by [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/481597), which I liked and just wished had more sex.

Even amongst all the other emo kids, Merlin was different. For one, he actually had unipolar depression. He wrote poetry because it was soothing, he listened to emo bands because he liked the music, and he didn’t kiss boys because it was suddenly the cool thing to do, but because he honestly liked kissing boys.  
  
Not that he’d had much experience. Because in a crowd of misfits, Merlin didn’t fit in. He met all the requirements: dark hair over his eyes, pale as a vampire, thin as a twig, black skinny jeans, vintage band t-shirt, studded wristbands. The only thing he didn’t do was wear eyeliner. It was bad enough his baby face and pink lips already made him look like a girl.   
  
But at lunch when all the emo kids sat together and remained in rebellious silence, Merlin sat at a table alone, tuning out the world with loud music. Merlin was one of those floaters that never settled into a clique. He was an odd ball outside the hierarchy, a single electron revolving in space.  
  
Arthur Pendragon however,  _he_  fit in perfectly. His blond hair, muscular build, and charming smile, as well as his role as head of the football team, meant that he and Merlin were complete opposites. If their eyes ever met, they’d pass right over each other without a second glance. But even that was highly unlikely to happen because Merlin always walked with his head down and Arthur was too busy basking in the compliments of his groupies.  
  
As fate would have it, Merlin’s focus on the feet in front of him, and Arthur’s lack of attention caused the two to collide one day around half-term. For the first time, they noticed each other. Oh, Merlin had seen Arthur hundreds of times, had stared longingly at the blonde for brief moments he allowed himself throughout the day to look up. Arthur, on the other hand, hadn’t even been aware of Merlin’s existence. He had lumped him together with the rest of the pale-skinned darkly-clothed bunch that all looked the same. Upon seeing Merlin, he realised immediately his mistake. Merlin was not at  _all_  like the others.  
  
First and foremost, his hair didn’t completely cover his eyes in that way that was obvious to be meant as a fashion statement. His fringe came down to just above his eyebrows, the length being almost as an accident, and since Merlin’s head was always lowered, it simply somewhat resembled the new hip style of hair.  
  
Secondly, he was small. He was the same height as Arthur, maybe even a centimetre or two taller, but he slumped and hunched in on himself so that he seemed little. It was as if Merlin truly wanted to disappear, whereas the others blatantly threw their newfound suicidal tendencies in everyone’s face.   
  
And finally, Merlin’s eyes. They were large, frightened, and honestly horrified at what he’d done. Ran right into the football captain! But besides fright, there was deep sadness and the urge, the  _need_ , to blend back into the crowd and forget the incident ever happened.   
  
Merlin hurried to get away, muttering, “Sorry—so sorry—I’ll just—” But Arthur stopped his exit with a strong hand around his arm. Merlin’s stomach dropped.  
  
“What’s your name?” Arthur asked. He was staring into Merlin’s storm blue eyes so intently.  
  
“M-Merlin. Merlin Emrys.” He looked up briefly, met Arthur’s gaze, then flicked his eyes back down nervously. “I’m really sorry, I should have been looking where I was going.”  
  
Slowly, Arthur released his grip. “No,” he said thoughtfully. “It was my fault. I’ll see you around, yeah?” He let Merlin go and he and his followers were heading down the corridor as if nothing happened. Merlin scurried off to his next class, making sure to glance up more frequently.  
  
Things began to change after that. On the rare chances that Arthur walked to class alone, he somehow managed to pass by Merlin. Everywhere Merlin looked, there was Arthur.   
  
Arthur didn’t address him again, just gave him a nod if their eyes ever happened to meet. Otherwise he walked by like he wasn’t even there.   
  
But the sudden attention was obvious to Merlin, who’d always been aware of Arthur and his gorgeousness. The fact that Arthur had apparently altered his routes to class just to get a glimpse of his pale skin and tired face, entertained certain fantasies of Merlin’s that were better off unentertained.  
  
Merlin decided he had to get to the bottom of it, otherwise he’d go mad with fretting over it. He couldn’t just stop Arthur in the corridor, and ask, “Why are you following me?” No, it had to be much more subtle than that. He wasn’t going to make a scene, especially on the off-chance that Arthur got offended.  
  
So one Thursday, Merlin, heart pounding in his chest, bumped into Arthur a bit on purpose. Arthur didn’t carry any books, but Merlin had planned for this and let his slip from his hands. As expected, Arthur knelt down to help him.  
  
“Y-you don’t have to d-do this, really, it’s fine,” Merlin stammered.   
  
“Not a problem. I don’t see anyone else offering to help,” Arthur commented.  
  
“They probably didn’t notice,” Merlin mumbled, too low for Arthur to hear.  
  
Merlin finished gathering up his books and nodded a shy “thank you,” then hurried away.  
  
Arthur was about to stand when he saw a folded paper on the floor. “Hey, you forgot—” He stopped. It had his name on it.   
  
Curious, Arthur picked it up and stuffed it in his pocket, saving it for later. He couldn’t be late for class.  
  
After he got into his seat and just before the teacher started, he unfolded it beneath his desk. The words were what he’d been secretly—and ashamedly—hoping for:  
  
 _loo by the stairs at noon_  
  
Arthur folded the paper into quarters and began ripping it into strands. His heart beat rapidly and his hands started to get a bit sweaty. He looked up the clock. There were twenty minutes left till noon.   
  
They were the longest twenty minutes of Arthur’s life. The teacher droned on and on about things he didn’t care about, and he wondered idly why he went to college in the first place...oh, that’s right. His arsehole father made him go.  
  
Finally, 11:59 rolled around and Arthur raised his hand to go to the loo. The teacher waved his assent and Arthur tried not to bolt out of the classroom.   
  
Merlin was leaning against the wall opposite the stalls with his arms crossed over his chest. He jumped slightly when the door creaked open.  
  
At first, they just stared at each other. Merlin had never had the opportunity to study Arthur’s face for such a long time up close and he momentarily forgot why he’d made Arthur come in the first place. Then, after noticing Arthur’s expectant expression, he remembered, and swallowed his courage.  
  
“Are you following me?” It came out rather harshly but it was better than pathetically, as he usually sounded.  
  
Arthur looked shocked. Was he really that obvious? Had anyone else noticed? “No,” he said.  
  
“So why do I see you in the hallway now?” Merlin pressed.  
  
Arthur regained his resolve and put on his best sneer. “It’s a school, Merlin. These things tend to happen.”  
  
“You remember my name.”   
  
In the crowded corridor, Merlin’s voice would have been lost, like when he muttered under his breath just that morning. But in the empty loo, the tiles causing his voice to echo off the walls, Arthur heard it. He heard the honest wonder and appreciation in Merlin’s voice. He softened his own tone but kept up his facade.  
  
“Why wouldn’t I?”  
  
Merlin looked down and shrugged. He suddenly became smaller as he hunched his shoulders. “That’s all I wanted to know,” he said nervously. “You can go now.”  
  
Arthur was about to turn, but he caught a twinkle in Merlin’s eye. He froze in his half turn and stared closer. Those eyes he loved so much were tearing up.  
  
“What’s wrong?” He asked. Another glance at Merlin and he wished he hadn’t. Merlin didn't look at all like he wanted to answer.  
  
“Nothing,” he assured Arthur quickly. “It’s my eyeliner.” He tucked his chin in so his hair would shade his eyes more. Hopefully he could convince Arthur he was just another pale freak and get him to leave.  
  
Arthur frowned. “You don’t wear eyeliner.” Really, he should have backed off and went back to class, but something was urging him to keep on. “What if I  _was_ following you?”  
  
Merlin looked up at that, then quickly back down. “I’d say to quit messing me with just because I’m different. Freaks have feelings too, you know.”  
  
Arthur didn’t understand. “How would that be messing with you? And since when are you a freak?”  
  
Merlin’s hands clenched and his veins were visible through the skin stretched taut over his lanky frame. Arthur gulped and raised his distracted eyes to Merlin’s face. He was clearly upset.  
  
“At least admit to it, don’t lie straight to my face.” His tone was bitter and Arthur was surprised at the sincere anger held in check behind it.  
  
“Admit to what?”  
  
“To making me think you like me. Or something.”  
  
Arthur’s stomach flipped and his breath caught in his throat. “I-I-I—”  
  
Merlin huffed and pushed away from the wall. He was almost to the door when Arthur grabbed his arm, the same way he had when they bumped into each other that day a couple weeks ago.   
  
“What?” Merlin spat.  
  
Arthur’s eyes flicked to Merlin’s lips and Merlin knew then. Arthur closed the distance between them and their lips came together.   
  
It was chaste at first, just innocent pecks on the mouth. Then Arthur pressed forward eagerly and Merlin parted his lips slightly and Arthur plunged his tongue inside. That made Merlin moan and they quickly realised they’d better move this somewhere more discreet lest someone walk in.  
  
Merlin, suddenly courageous now that he knew Arthur wanted this too, backed Arthur into a stall and locked the door behind them. He pushed Arthur against it and cupped the sculpted cheek in his pale hand as he kissed him again.   
  
Arthur’s hands were restless. He clutched at Merlin’s shirt, which clung tightly to his skinny torso, and pulled him closer. He ran his hands up under the black cotton t-shirt, and Merlin shivered beneath him.   
  
Hips got involved soon after that, especially with Arthur embracing Merlin harder and harder. Merlin’s jeans were restrictive, and Arthur’s less tight jeans were only slightly better. Merlin saw this and slid his hands between their bodies to undo Arthur’s button.   
  
Arthur rolled his hips into Merlin’s touch, whimpering with need before remembering where they were and cutting himself off.   
  
With Arthur allowed some breathing space, Merlin stood up to his full height and Arthur saw he was in fact about four centimetres taller. He nipped at Arthur’s bottom lip and worked his way down the side of his neck as he shoved a sweaty palm into Arthur’s pants.   
  
Arthur stifled another moan and bucked his hips forward. He was panting heavily and could feel himself melting, feel his orgasm pooling low in his abdomen, just from being kissed and touched not even five minutes.  
  
“Merlin,” he moaned.  
  
Hearing his name spill from Arthur’s mouth like that went straight to Merlin’s cock. It was harder than it had ever been, and it wanted so desperately for some attention.   
  
Searching for relief, Merlin thrusted into Arthur, slotting himself between the blonde’s shoulder-width apart legs. He dropped his arms to his side so he could wrap them around Arthur’s waist and pull their groins closer together.   
  
At the same moment, Arthur realised he should probably be giving back as good as he got. He stretched his neck forward and began to kiss Merlin’s jaw, up to a particularly sensitive spot behind Merlin’s ear.  
  
Merlin squeaked at that, and it quickly turned into a filthy moan. He clutched Arthur tighter, bucked his hips, once, twice, then felt Arthur’s hands slide between them to wrap around his own neglected cock.  
  
“A-Arthur,” Merlin breathed. The hot air ghosted across Arthur’s neck and down his back and made him shiver with pleasure.  
  
The last thrust finished him. By now, their erections were freed through the gap in their underpants and lined up side by side, slick with precome and sweat from their hands. Merlin’s rather impressive length, hard and hot and sliding against Arthur’s own, pushed Arthur over the edge. Merlin jerked him through the aftershocks, made sure the spilled come pooled in his cupped hand, then wiped said hand with loo roll.   
  
Empty and spent, Arthur breathed heavily and sunk to his knees. At first Merlin thought Arthur was just tired, but then he proceeded to take Merlin’s cock in his hands and bring it to his mouth, slowly sliding the hot shaft onto his tongue.  
  
Merlin threw his head back and bit back a moan. He raised his arms and gripped the sides of the stalls on either side, curling his fingers over the top edge to steady himself. This was turning out to be an amazing day for Merlin. Not only was Arthur into blokes, and liked him, he was on his knees, in the school loo, sucking  _his_ cock. It was all of Merlin’s wank fantasies come true.  
  
Arthur took him slowly at first and only dared to go halfway down. Merlin was just as long as him, but not quite as thick, so it wasn’t a stretch for his already large jaw, but rather his untrained gag reflex. It was also his first time giving head and even despite that, Arthur thought he was doing pretty well.  
  
“Arthur, I’m—oh God—Arthur, you might want to—”  
  
Arthur pulled off with a pop and just in time Merlin shielded Arthur from the hot stream with his cupped hand. Arthur rested his head against Merlin’s shaking thigh as he cleaned himself up.  
  
It didn’t get awkward suddenly, but rather came on slowly. Merlin flushed the tissue down the toilet and they dressed in easy silence. Arthur even straightened Merlin’s shirt and Merlin arranged Arthur’s hair so that it didn’t look like he’d been running his fingers through it when he’d been on his knees. But then, what started off as easy silence, sunk into uncertainty as they wondered what the next step was.  
  
“I, er,” Arthur took it upon himself to begin. “I do like you. But I—I don’t want—”  
  
“People to know.” Merlin snorted. “Of course. Best football player can’t be a poofter, can he?”  
  
“You really think I’m the best?” Arthur asked before he could stop himself. The glare Merlin gave him could stop a heartbeat, and Arthur’s did, in fact, skip.   
  
“I just assumed, considering you’re the captain. I haven’t seen a single footy game in my life and I don’t plan to.” He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “So what now? Am I to be your dirty little secret?”  
  
Merlin was  _really_  upset. And it was  _really_  sexy. This Merlin was completely unlike the shy one he was used to, and Arthur quite liked it.  
  
Arthur didn’t reply right away, preferring instead to admire the veins in Merlin’s arms, the low crease of his brow, and the downward tilt of his mouth. A mouth he really would enjoy kissing again.  
  
“Well?” Merlin prompted.  
  
“Sorry, what?”  
  
“You’re not even listening to me. Am I not worth your time now? Was it just a game of fuck the emo boy to you?”  
  
Arthur frowned and stepped forward, caressed Merlin’s cheek softly with the pad of his thumb. “Merlin,” he breathed. “Shut up.”   
  
Merlin complied only because he did really want Arthur’s lips on his again. It was a glorious experience, better than he ever could have dreamed.  
  
When they parted, Arthur looked deeply happy. His face was peaceful and calm, and there was a small satisfied smile on his lips. Then suddenly it vanished.  
  
“This is wrong,” he muttered. “This is wrong. What am I doing?” He pulled away quickly and Merlin curled in on himself, like a centipede rolling back up into a safe protective ball. He could tell by the look in Arthur’s eyes that something had changed. He dared not speak.  
  
“I can’t—I’m  _not_. What was I even thinking?” Arthur continued to himself. He looked at Merlin, cowering in the corner of the small stall. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I—This never should have happened.” And then he was gone.  
  
Merlin stayed in the same position a few moments after Arthur left. Then he took two steps to the toilet, held his chest to keep from falling apart, and sat down.   
  
This was not happening. It couldn’t be. Not after...but it did. He’d been used. He was just some confused prep’s little experiment. And yet, Merlin couldn’t get that face out of his head, the content expression he’d seen after they kissed the last time. What happened today had to mean  _something_. Why Merlin? Why not someone more attractive and less of a freak to experiment with? There had to be at least  _some_  feeling behind Arthur’s actions.  
  
Merlin held in the tears threatening to spill over. When he’d been gone almost thirty minutes from class, he twisted a knuckle in his eyes and collected himself to go back. It was lucky that he blended so well into the background already.  
  
A week and a half passed as they had before everything. Arthur walked with his friends, and their paths crossed only once in the day, at which point they were sure to avoid eye contact. If Merlin began to drag his feet everywhere, like each step was a challenge, or if he stared blankly into space for long periods of time, nobody seemed to notice.  
  
Merlin had also taken back to keeping his eyes down, and ended up bumping into one of Arthur’s loyal followers one morning.   
  
“Watch it, fairy,” the muscled boy with short brown hair spat, shoving him into a crowd of girls passing by. Merlin accidentally stepped on one of the girls’ foot, one with curly brown locks and a high, judging brow.  
  
“Sorry!” Merlin apologised to the bully and the girl at once.   
  
Arthur had seen it all. They looked at each other for the first time in over a week and Merlin quickly looked away.   
  
The girls walked on, giggling about how odd Merlin was and how he looked like a living skeleton, how he might even be attractive if he put on a little weight and got a haircut. But surprisingly, Arthur nudged the bully’s arm.   
  
“Hey, Kay. Just let it go, alright? It was an accident.”  
  
Kay grunted an acquiescence and he and the rest of them moved on. Arthur threw back a glance at Merlin, and Merlin could have sworn there was a sadness there that Arthur had failed miserably to hide.  
  
After school, Merlin didn’t walk home straight away. He leaned against the building and waited for Arthur to exit. It wasn’t long he had to wait and soon enough Arthur was walking out amongst his usual group. Merlin followed them discreetly to the car park, where they separated, and Arthur walked off alone to his expensive ride.  
  
Breathing once deeply to work up his nerve, Merlin stuffed his hands into his pockets and trotted silently over to Arthur’s car just as he was getting in. Arthur saw the approaching skinny legs through the window and knew immediately who it was.   
  
Merlin bent down and peered in the window, a respectful distance away from Arthur’s face.  
  
“Er, hey,” Merlin greeted.  
  
“Hello,” Arthur replied stiffly. He hadn’t meant for it to sound that way, so he followed it up quickly with, “What’s up?”  
  
Merlin glanced nervously sideways. “I was hoping we could, uh, talk?”  
  
“About what?”  
  
“You know about what,” Merlin said firmly, clenching his hands in his pockets.  
  
Arthur thought a moment, then agreed hurriedly. He didn’t want anyone to see Merlin standing beside his car. Better the young man was inside, hidden behind the tinted windows.   
  
Merlin slid in and admired the leather interior and fancy setup. Arthur felt Merlin’s obvious approval and tried not to let his chest swell too big with pride.   
  
“What’s there to talk about, Merlin?” Arthur started, wanting to get this over with. “It was a quick fuck in the school loo, okay? That’s all. It was a mistake.”  
  
Merlin chewed his lip before speaking. “I...don’t think it was. I think it was more than that,” he said warily.  
  
Arthur snorted. “At least you’re not as self-pitying as the rest of them, if you think you mean that much to me.”  
  
“They’re not self-pitying,” Merlin replied thoughtlessly. “They just want attention.”  
  
“You think you’re better than them? Isn’t that fucking cute.”  
  
Merlin struggled not to punch Arthur in the face, which was a shocking realisation, because until now he hadn’t considered himself violent. But Arthur seemed to bring out the worst in him.  
  
“No, I don’t,” he said evenly. “I’m just saying that before...you said you did like me. I don’t think you were lying. At least I hope not, because I like you a lot, too, and you’re really good at sucking dick.”  
  
Merlin clamped a hand around his mouth. But he had really said that. Shit.  
  
Arthur jumped a little at the statement, then smiled bitterly. “That’s because I liked it. I’m always good at what I like.” He frowned and his brow furrowed. “God, I’m disgusting.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Arthur looked at Merlin incredulously. “I can’t—I’m not supposed to...like blokes. Okay? There, I said it.” He crossed his arms and glared out the window.  
  
Merlin exhaled slowly. “Okay. Why not? Why can’t you be attracted to whoever you want?”  
  
Arthur looked at Merlin like he was stupid. “Because I’m...me. I just can’t. People would—” But he couldn’t say “make fun of me.” That reason was too childish, though that was the reason, or one of them. Arthur was afraid he’d lose all his friends. So he played along with being straight.  
  
Merlin seemed to understand anyway. “I don’t know them, so it’s not for me to judge. I don’t particularly care for what people think—”  
  
“You think you’re better than everyone else that does?”  
  
“No! I’m not better than anyone. I’m just trying to empathise, okay? If I had friends that would change their opinion of me just because of who I like, I wouldn’t consider them friends at all.”  
  
“But you’re not on a team, Merlin. It’s different. If I stop being friends with them, it’s not like I can just walk away. I’ll be stuck with them for the rest of the season. I’ll have to endure all their—” Arthur cut himself off here and went back to staring out the window. There was nothing out there but an empty car park and a skyline of buildings off in the distance.   
  
“What if...” Merlin started. He paused, thinking.  
  
“What if what?” Arthur prompted, not turning his head.  
  
“What if I  _was_ your dirty little secret?”  
  
“I thought you didn’t want that.” Arthur said carefully, trying not to give away his increased heartbeat.  
  
“What if it was only until the end of the season? You can wait until you’re not trapped by teammates to come out.” Merlin watched Arthur with hopeful eyes, and the blonde turned slowly to face him. His expression was softer, more sad.  
  
“Are you sure? I...I did mean it when I said I like you. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” Arthur’s tone was so gentle and caring, his words wrapping Merlin in a blanket of warmth and familiarity that he yearned to feel every day. So Arthur’s act before, when he said Merlin didn’t mean that much to him, was just that, an act.  
  
“I’m sure.” They were silent for a while, and Merlin idly thought that he should get home and start on that paper he had to write. “When does the season end, by the way?”  
  
“Three weeks.”  
  
“Oh. That’s not so bad.” More silence. Then, “Can I kiss you?”  
  
Arthur practically jumped into Merlin’s personal space. “Please,” he breathed as he leaned in to capture Merlin’s mouth.  
  
It was an awkward angle, but it would suffice. A week and a half had been too long. Arthur, after hours of nearly tearing out his hair, would wank to the memories he had of kissing Merlin, of Merlin’s hard length filling his mouth. Each day was a struggle with himself to not think of the perfection that was Merlin’s body. Not soft, supple, and curvaceous like he  _should_  be attracted to, but rather the hard lines of a square jaw, the rough, hungry clutching of skin, and the salty taste of precome on the tip of his tongue. He disgusted himself, felt equally repulsed and turned on by the thought of being penetrated by this wimpy little emo kid.   
  
Kissing removed all doubts from Arthur’s mind. Yes, he wanted this. He wanted to feel calloused hands caress his face, subtle beginnings of facial hair rub against his jaw, to hear deep and entirely manly moans erupt from a throat with a gloriously prominent Adam’s apple, to trace the movement of that neck muscle with his tongue.  
  
When they pulled apart, they breathed hot and heavy each other’s air. Arthur asked, “Is anyone at your house right now?”  
  
Merlin shook his head. Or tried to. Arthur had his fingers curled deep in his raven locks and therefore kept his head from moving. “No. Won’t be for a few hours.”  
  
“Direct me?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
They snogged until they were breathless again then, laughing, pulled apart. Arthur started his car and drove out of the lot in the direction Merlin pointed him.  
  
Merlin only lived one street away from the college, so it was a quick ride. Arthur pulled into the empty driveway and they were walking into the humble home not thirty minutes after becoming secret boyfriends.  
  
“My, er, my room’s up here,” Merlin said, suddenly shy and blushing. He dropped his schoolbag by the door and led Arthur up the stairs.  
  
Merlin’s room was a simple square with the minimum furniture: bed, dresser, bookcase, desk. Everything was littered with lined paper with tiny handwriting on it.  
  
Merlin swept the paper on the bed onto the floor and slipped out of his trainers. Arthur proceeded to undress himself quickly, eager for the excited feeling that filled him when he was close to Merlin.   
  
Merlin’s jeans got caught around his ankles and Arthur chuckled as he helped him out of them. “Maybe if they weren’t so skinny your feet wouldn’t snag in them,” Arthur teased as he took one of Merlin’s nipples in his mouth.  
  
Merlin arched his back and his cock touched Arthur’s chest briefly, making him moan for more. He completely ignored Arthur’s remark in favour of rubbing his hands up and down the blonde’s muscled back.  
  
Arthur wrapped one arm around and underneath Merlin’s leg and the other he placed softly on Merlin’s chest. Though thin and pale, Merlin’s body had some lean muscle and dustings of hair on his arms, legs, and chest. Arthur kissed all over it, wanting to commit each angle and curve and breathy reaction to memory for when he went home and wanked later.  
  
“Arthur,” Merlin whined. He looked down at Arthur through thick, dark lashes, nearly hidden by the low cut of his fringe. Arthur raised from mouthing Merlin’s prominent hipbone to kiss his perfect lips again, and swept Merlin’s hair away from his eyes in the process. Merlin’s forehead was just as pale as the rest of him, and he somehow managed to not have any acne there, whereas Arthur, who sweated on a daily basis, had a frustrating scattering of pimples beneath his blond fringe. Merlin was sweating now though, the hair close to the scalp sticking to the skin in wet strands.  
  
Merlin pulled Arthur’s body closer down on top of him and their bodies aligned. Their legs intertwined, Arthur’s waist perfectly encompassing Merlin’s, where their cocks could get acquainted again. Arthur pressed down, thrust forward, and they moaned in unison at the sensation.  
  
“Wanted you so bad this past week,” Arthur confessed suddenly. “I thought about you every day. About your lips, your eyes, your neck, your cock.”  
  
“Nnnh.” Merlin squeezed his eyes shut as he tried not to come right then.  
  
“I shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t want this at all but...”   
  
Suddenly Arthur’s lips were around Merlin’s dick again and Merlin cried out, “Arthur!” His fingers twisted in the sheets and he willed himself not to come in Arthur’s mouth. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, not when Arthur was just coming to terms with everything. Forcing Arthur to swallow, or at the very least, spit, would be too much.  
  
But it was so  _good_. Arthur was right: he was good at doing things he liked. And he must really like sucking cock if his natural talent was anything to go by.  
  
As if sensing Merlin’s climax, Arthur pulled off and returned to rutting into the crease of Merlin’s pelvis and thigh. Merlin looked as though the loss physically pained him, and to compensate, Arthur wrapped a hand around both of their slick cocks and stroked them in unison.   
  
Merlin came first, shaking and silent, while digging his nails into the soft flesh of Arthur’s arse. Arthur found he rather liked having his arse squeezed like that and relocated Merlin’s other hand to the other cheek as he grinded against Merlin’s come-stained torso.  
  
Merlin caught on quick with the arse-squeezing bit and helped Arthur along with talk so dirty Arthur thought a porno had been left on somewhere. It was so unlike Merlin’s normally quiet demeanor.   
  
“Yeah, Arthur, yeah, fuck, just like that, right here, come right here on top of me. God yes, do it, please, give me everything, I want to to feel you on my chest.”  
  
“M-Merlin,” Arthur gasped, shocked.  
  
“Come on, Arthur, come for me, come for me, please.” And Arthur did. He painted Merlin’s pale torso with thick white streaks that landed as far up as Merlin’s collarbone and as low as Merlin’s own mess just below his navel.   
  
He collapsed half on top of Merlin and both boys panted heavily as they caught their breath. Minutes passed and Merlin began chuckling, the laughter shaking his body. “Never would have pegged you for a cuddler,” he said, stroking Arthur’s hair.  
  
“Never would have pegged you for dirty talk,” Arthur replied quickly, and erupted into laughter as well. Just trying to piece together Merlin, dark and hunched in on himself in the corridors at school, with the confident young man holding him now was ridiculous.  
  
Wait. Holding him?  _Holding him?_ He was Arthur bloody Pendragon, he did  _not_ need to be held! Just the very words in the same sentence together...  
  
Arthur shuffled out of the tender embrace suddenly, and Merlin sat up, startled. “What—” Merlin stopped when he saw the look on Arthur’s face. “Arthur, calm down. Everything’s okay.”  
  
“You were right. You never would have pegged me for cuddling. Because I  _don’t_  cuddle. I don’t. And—and—”  
  
“Arthur, come back to bed,” Merlin ordered firmly, placing his hand on the empty space Arthur had left behind.   
  
Arthur looked longingly at his previously occupied space, but retreated until his back hit the wall. He shook his head. “Fucking is fine. That’s—that’s different. But not—no.”   
  
Merlin jumped up and ran over to him. “Arthur. Arthur, listen to me.” He took Arthur’s face in his hands and stared straight into the bright blue eyes that were entirely too worried. “It’s just us here, okay? It’s just us. Me and you. Arthur and Merlin. Nobody else.”   
  
He brought Arthur close and wrapped his arms around him, using his height to his advantage by bringing Arthur’s head to rest on his bony shoulder.  
  
“Just us. Nobody to judge, impress, or any of that other bollocks. There’s no shame in it, in anything we’re doing. Okay? It’s just us,” he kept repeating, and it did seem to soothe Arthur. “It’s just us. Come back to bed.”  
  
They laid there awhile. They talked about everything: school, films, books, music, even politics. Arthur told Merlin about his older sister who’d gone off to uni and how his father expected him to follow her there to study business. Merlin told Arthur about his lack of plans (and caring) and how his mum wished he would apply himself more because he had so much “potential.”  
  
“Those other kids at school, you know? They’re not actually emo. Emo is a genre of music. They’re just feeding the stereotype and destroying a good vein of art for their attention-seeking purposes,” Merlin explained when they were talking of music.  
  
Arthur smirked. “Is that so? You sound pretty upset about it.”  
  
“I am. I love emo, but I know as soon as I so much as mention the name people will start judging. And the second worst part of it, is like all the bands that these posers consider emo, aren’t really emo at all! My Chemical Romance? Not emo. Neither is AFI, or Taking Back Sunday, or Hawthorne Heights. And  _definitely_ not Escape the Fate, Senses Fail, or From First to Last.”  
  
Arthur chuckled. “Oh? And just what would you say is an ‘emo band,’ great sage Merlin?” Arthur hadn’t heard of any of the names Merlin listed but it was interesting to see Merlin talk about something so passionately. Everything else he seemed disinterested in, and as Arthur looked around, he noticed the posters on the walls for the first time.  
  
“Rites of Spring, Circle Takes the Square, Balboa, Jet Black, Gay For Johnny Depp, Takaru, Moss Icon, Motionless in White—”  
  
“I have no idea who any of these are, by the way.”  
  
Merlin rolled his eyes. “Of course  _you_ wouldn’t. You’re...”  
  
“Too mainstream?” Arthur said jokingly.   
  
Merlin laughed. Merlin’s face was meant to smile, Arthur decided then. He would try to get Merlin to smile more at school.  
  
“I was going to say normal, but I guess that term is better for my nonexistent ego,” Merlin said.  
  
Arthur propped himself up on his elbow. “You aren’t kidding, are you? You really are like, the only true emo among them aren’t you?”  
  
“I already told you—”  
  
“Emo is the genre of music. Yeah, okay. What else am I supposed to call them?”  
  
“Attention whores, for one,” Merlin muttered bitterly.   
  
“Either way, the rest of them are all ‘posers’ as you keep calling them. At first that sounded really stuck-up and obnoxious of you, but that’s what they actually are. Aren’t they?”  
  
Merlin put a hand on Arthur’s pectoral muscle and slid it up and around his shoulder, then down the side of Arthur’s arm. This was the best part of sex, the ability to do whatever you wanted to the other person afterwards because you had already been with them in the most intimate way possible. Merlin could touch Arthur all he wanted, because he was entitled to it. And Arthur could do the same to Merlin.  
  
“Most of them, yes. There are a twisted few that do actually cut themselves though, as if that makes them ‘more emo’ or something. Those are the ones that need counseling,” Merlin finally replied.  
  
“Did you ever...?”  
  
“Cut myself? No. I’m not the suicidal kind of depressed. My mum saw the signs before it could get that far, but I suppose if I went off my meds—”  
  
“Wait, you’re depressed?” Arthur interrupted.  
  
Merlin swallowed and looked away. “Yeah. Not too bad though. But like I was saying, if I went off my meds I don’t think there’s anything stopping it from getting worse. Before, I was just...I don’t know. Listless, lethargic, ambivalent. I’m still that way, I guess. But now at least I don’t  _feel_ it. I’m just...numb.”   
  
Merlin paused and Arthur was silent, pondering the new information. He supposed it should have been obvious Merlin was depressed. He was always alone at school, he never smiled, and he simply hovered in the background. Arthur, who had been super aware of Merlin the past week, had lost him quite a few times when he blended back into the crowd.  
  
“I never even considered self-harm or suicide though. I’d just put on my headphones and try to shut everything out,” Merlin finished.  
  
Arthur sank back down to rest his head on Merlin’s shoulder. “That’s good. I can’t imagine going to college every day without you there.”  
  
Arthur cringed when he noticed his slip-up, and to his dread, Merlin laughed, but for a whole other reason than he feared.   
  
“You completely ignore me! Until I ran into you, you didn’t even know I existed.”  
  
Arthur bit his lip, debating whether or not he should say what he thought, lest the situation become too mushy. He caved in. What did he have to lose?  
  
“That doesn’t mean I don’t like seeing you. Every day when I wake up I think ‘Ugh, another day of school.’ But then everything gets better, and what really gets me out of bed is knowing you’ll be there,” he confessed.  
  
Merlin exhaled shakily. “What got you out of bed a month ago, before you knew I even went there?”  
  
Arthur shrugged. “My father, I guess. He’s the only reason I’m going to college in the first place.”  
  
Merlin saw a chance to steer the conversation away from himself and took it. “What would you do if you didn’t go to college?”  
  
Arthur sighed. “I honestly don’t know. Can’t I just stay in bed and have sex all day?” He looked up at Merlin with a wicked grin. Merlin laughed, and Arthur had succeeded in bringing light to Merlin’s face again that afternoon.   
  
“I don’t think that’s an option. You have to eat and use the toilet sometime, don’t you? And I should think your legs would forget how to walk after a while—”  
  
“Okay Mr Take-Everything-Literally. What would you do if you weren’t going to college, then?” Arthur asked.   
  
“Well, realistically I’d probably be working a minimum wage job just to pay to live in a smelly flat with no proper heating, hating every day that passed enough to want to finally kick the bucket,” Merlin stated flatly. “But what I’d actually like to do is write.” He looked away, suddenly blushing. “I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise, me being the One True Emo and all, according to you.”  
  
“You write?”  
  
“Er, sort of.”  
  
“Is that what all this paper is?” Arthur gestured to the lined paper that littered Merlin’s room.  
  
“Yeah. Most of it is shit. Just ramblings.”  
  
Grinning, Arthur slid out from under Merlin’s arm. “Let’s just see about that, then, shall we?”  
  
Merlin looked slightly panicked. “Oh, no no no. Let’s not. Let’s do the opposite of that.”  
  
“You’ll have to get used to people reading your work if you want to be published, Merlin,” Arthur pointed out.  
  
“Okay, but not now. And not this stuff. This stuff is...it’s embarrassing.”  
  
“Too late.” Arthur had picked up a small crumpled square of paper that had curly, squished handwriting on it.  
  
 _words written on a paper pad_  
 _didn’t think words could hurt this bad_  
 _thought i was past all the pain_  
 _didn’t know i was going insane_  
  
“What’s so embarrassing about this?” Arthur asked, handing it to Merlin, who read it quickly and blushed. “Besides the fact that it’s overly dark and dramatic?”  
  
“It’s—when I wrote it, I—Look, Arthur, can you please not?”  
  
But Arthur had picked up another. This one was a bit longer and Arthur took a while reading it because Merlin kept trying to grab it from him.   
  
“ _Mer_ lin! This is actually good.” Arthur remarked after he finally allowed Merlin to take it from him. “I’m sure the rest are just as good, too. Have you showed these to anyone?”  
  
Merlin looked horrified at the idea. “No way! Not even my mum, because she’s not allowed in here. Arthur, please, just...this stuff is personal...”  
  
“And me sucking your cock isn’t personal?” Arthur countered. “Tell me, Merlin, what’s more personal than that?”  
  
Merlin shuffled uneasily from foot to foot, causing said organ to swing back and forth in front of Arthur’s hungry eyes. “Nothing, I guess,” Merlin finally said.  
  
Arthur softened his tone, and rubbed Merlin’s shoulders. “It’s just like you told me, Merlin. Nobody’s here to judge you. It’s just us. Let me read a bit, yeah? I want to get to know you more. The more I find out, the more I like you.”  
  
“That’s hardly fair, considering I get nothing in return. All I know about you is that you’re an incredibly handsome footballer.”  
  
“That’s not true. We’ve been here for however long talking. Or did the past few hours just disappear completely from your memory?”  
  
Merlin opened his mouth to reply but he snapped it shut quickly. They  _had_ been talking a long time. Too long.  
  
As if on cue, the sound of a car door slamming reached their ears and spurred them into action. They nearly tripped over each other’s limbs trying to find their respective clothing.  
  
“She’s sure to have seen that ridiculous car in the drive. I’ll just tell her you needed maths help. Or that you’re a new friend from school. She’ll believe that,” Merlin planned aloud.   
  
“What’s so ridiculous about my car?” Arthur protested, buttoning his jeans.  
  
“Nothing, just the fact that it’s pure white and expensive and practically screams ‘Look at me, I’m posh!’”  
  
“Oi!”  
  
There was no time for further argument because Merlin’s mum could be heard walking in downstairs and, like before, they made sure they each looked presentable before exiting.  
  
“Merlin?” His mum called, as the two of them descended the stairs. “Who’s car is that outside?”  
  
Merlin went into the kitchen, Arthur trailing like a lost puppy behind him. “Er, Mum, this is Arthur. He’s a friend from Avalon.”  
  
Arthur stretched out his hand, and because Merlin had never mentioned a father, greeted the woman based on that. “Evening, Ms Emrys. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”  
  
Merlin’s mother shook Arthur’s confident hand and smiled warmly at him. Arthur could immediately tell where Merlin got his bright smile from. “It’s nice to meet you too, Arthur. Merlin’s never brought a friend home before. Usually goes over to theirs.”  
  
Arthur glanced sideways at Merlin, who was urging him to play along. “I’m a new friend, so I haven’t had time to be informed of the rules. I’ll be sure to never come back again.”  
  
Merlin’s mum squealed with laughter. “I like him, Merlin! He’s a keeper, this one is.” And then she actually pinched Arthur’s cheek. Arthur thought they only did that on telly.   
  
Merlin groaned. “Mum, if he’s such a keeper, for God’s sake, don’t scare him away with your complete  _mum-ness_.”  
  
“It’s alright, Merlin, I’ve been fawned over by my aunts before when I was younger,” Arthur said.   
  
“And I see why,” Ms Emrys commented. “So handsome. I bet your mother is proud to have raised such a nice young boy. Probably breaking the hearts of all the girls at school, too.”  
  
“Ugh, Mum—”  
  
“Merlin, really, it’s alright.” Arthur waved him off. “My mother, uh, died while giving birth to me. I do have quite a few admirers though, don’t I, Merlin?”  
  
Ms Emrys disregarded the second statement in favour of being horrified at the first. “Oh, I’m—How awful! I’m so sorry.”  
  
Arthur shrugged. He’d lived eighteen years without a mother, and had got used to it by now. He still sometimes ached for that relationship it seemed everyone but him could have, but usually it wasn’t a big deal.  
  
Merlin eyed the situation nervously and decided then that Arthur should leave. He gave Arthur a significant look and Arthur, thankfully, got the hint.  
  
“Well, it’s been nice meeting you Ms Emrys,” he said, shaking her hand again.  
  
“Please, call me Hunith. And it was very nice meeting one of Merlin’s friends,  _finally_.” She smiled and Arthur again was startled by the resemblance to Merlin.  
  
“I’ll just...walk him to his car,” Merlin mumbled and the two of them shuffled out.   
  
Arthur slid into his car seat laughing his head off. “Your mum thinks you have friends. That’s terrible, Merlin, honestly. She’s your  _mum_ , she deserves the truth!” But he was still getting a kick out of Merlin’s pretence, no matter how sad it was.  
  
“Believe me when I say, she can’t handle the truth. When I was diagnosed with depression, she was intolerable. Worse off than me. I wanted to give  _her_  happy pills a few times,” Merlin replied. “She doesn’t even know I’m gay. I shudder to think how she’ll handle finding out she’ll never have grandchildren.”  
  
Arthur’s window was rolled down and Merlin leaned with his elbows on the edge, half his head inside the car and half out. His torso was practically perpendicular with the ground from bending over into Arthur’s low to the ground sportscar.  
  
“Well, I’m not going to tell you how to be with your mum. That’s none of my business really. But she seems really nice. And she likes me,” Arthur added with a flirtatious grin.  
  
“Yeah, she does. At least there’s that going for you. But then you do have  _so_ many admirers at school.”  
  
“Good thing you’re supposedly straight.”  
  
“Eheh heh.” Merlin looked over his shoulder to make sure his mum wasn’t watching from the window. Then he boldly leaned in and kissed Arthur deeply. When Arthur nearly pulled him into the car through the window, Merlin pulled back, laughing, and told Arthur to go home.   
  
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Arthur said, chuckling.   
  
“Yeah. I know we’re a secret and all, but could you at least not ignore me? It’d be nice if you acknowledged my presence, or something.”  
  
Arthur thought briefly, then nodded. “Yeah, okay. Like before, when you claimed I was following you.”  
  
“You were!”  
  
Arthur laughed and pressed another quick kiss to the lips he never wanted to leave. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he repeated. He switched the gearshift and shot Merlin another charming smile as he drove off.   
  
Merlin made sure to school his features walking back into the house. He was good at making his face a perfectly blank mask and took pride in being able to fool even his mother. He listened to her tell him dinner would be ready in about an hour, grunted a reply, then trudged back upstairs with his usual slowness. The act was well rehearsed by now. But when he got back to the safety of his room, he sat cross-legged in the centre of his bed, placed his elbows on his thighs and his chin on top of his tented fingers, and grinned more than he had in the past year.  
  
Arthur liked him! Drop dead gorgeous, fit, football-playing, Arthur fucking Pendragon, liked  _him_ , Merlin the misfit. Not only that, but he liked cuddling, and reading Merlin’s poetry, and talking with him about things as stupid as whether the film adaptation of a book was better or worse. When he laid his wonderful blond head on Merlin’s shoulder and looked up at Merlin like there was no other place he’d rather be, Merlin thought he would explode from the seemingly endless amount of affection that swelled inside him.  
  
Yes, Arthur was very much in the closet, and cared too much about what others thought of him, but he was Merlin’s. Arthur,  _the_ Arthur, top-of-the-social-hierarchy  _Arthur_ , liked outside-the-spectrum Merlin. Merlin could hold him, could kiss him as tenderly as he pleased, because Arthur was his and his alone.  
  
Merlin bit his bottom lip, still stretched wide across his face with happiness. He wrapped his arms around himself, no longer to hold himself together, but to keep the flood of excitement from gushing out. He wanted to yell and scream and shout and sing for joy. He wanted to walk down the city streets with their hands locked together and flaunt their relationship in the faces of everyone that passed.   
  
Instead, he settled for curling up in a ball and squealing like a girl into his pillow. He didn’t hear his mother’s knowing chuckle from behind the door.  
  
****  
  
By the time Arthur got home, he was a wreck. That afternoon could have easily been the best of his entire life. He’d spent the eight minute drive thinking about all the wonderful things of Merlin: his eyes, his lips, his voice, the way his dick curved just slightly to the left when it was hard. All these thoughts that made him feel like he was flying one minute, seemed to drag him down the next.   
  
He entered his empty home miserably. He’d loved being with Merlin, feeling him solid, warm, and reassuring beside him. But at the same time it all felt so instinctually wrong. It wasn’t his place to feel reassured,  _he_  should be doing the reassuring. He had no reason to get on his knees for Merlin when instead he could be eating out a girl’s wet pussy.  
  
Arthur shuddered. Just imagining the female anatomy made him sick, picturing his mouth anywhere  _near_  such a disgusting organ made him gag. But then he was angry with himself because of  _that_  reaction. Eating out girls was what he was supposed to want. What should repulse him is having the same hole he shits out of be fucked, not pleasuring beautiful women.   
  
It was all so stupid. Everything Arthur wanted went against all he’d been taught about the natural order of things. Men were leaders, not weak-willed beings that bent over and took it up the arse. They didn’t whimper like he had during sex, they grunted animalistically. Women were the ones that were acted upon. And Arthur was  _not_ a woman.   
  
“Stupid stupid stupid!” Arthur pounded his fist on the wall in frustration. If only he could see it Merlin’s way, could believe there really was no shame in it. But he couldn’t. Not the way he’d been brought up.  
  
So Arthur blamed his father. It was Uther’s fault Arthur couldn’t reciprocate Merlin’s feelings properly. He felt for the poor boy, he really did like him, but he was ashamed that he liked him. Merlin didn’t deserve tainted affection, he deserved pure love that Arthur simply couldn’t give him.  
  
So, stupid Uther! Stupid conservative father, with his imposing morality code and traditional background. Stupid stuck-in-the-past Daddy Pendragon, a man that was rarely home, but when he was, it was to drill the importance of appearance and respectability into his only son. Arthur would carry on his legacy, after all. Arthur would take over his business one day, and beget a nice group of lovely children to further the Pendragon bloodline.   
  
What Arthur needed was Morgana. She had survived Uther’s stern rule and escaped with her life. She had been able to maintain her own unique personality despite Uther’s overshadowing beliefs. Arthur took out his mobile and dialled his sister up at uni. She answered on the sixth ring.  
  
“Arthur? What’s wrong?”  
  
“How do you already know something’s wrong?”  
  
“You only ever call me when you need help with something. It’s been a while since you were last in a bind. I’d even say you were overdue,” she tried to joke. “Are you in trouble?” She asked, getting back to the point.  
  
Arthur sighed. “I wish it was something I could solve so easily.”  
  
“Oh. Wow. This sounds big. Should I sit down?” Arthur heard a bed creak through the speaker.   
  
“Ha ha. This is serious.” Arthur steeled himself. “I’m gay.” A huge weight seemed to lift off his shoulders, so he said it again. “I’m gay, Morgana. And I really like this one bloke at college.”  
  
“Shit, Arthur.”  
  
“Yeah, I know.”  
  
“Does he not like you back?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“The bloke. Does he not like you back? Is he straight or bicurious or just doesn’t think you’re attractive enough?” Morgana asked.  
  
Arthur was speechless a moment. “M-Morgana! Of course he likes me! I’m Arthur Pendragon, for fuck’s sake.”  
  
Morgana nearly went into hysterics at that, and Arthur had to admit it sounded a bit narcissistic. But it was true. Anyone, male or female or otherwise, would fancy him if they fancied blokes at all.  
  
“So what exactly is your problem, little brother?” She questioned, once she recovered from laughing.  
  
“The problem, Morgana, is that I’m gay. Didn’t you hear me the first time?”  
  
“And the second. Remind me again, how is that a problem?”  
  
Arthur groaned. “I like blokes—”  
  
“Yes, that’s usually what being gay entails.”  
  
“I’m not supposed to, though!” Arthur threw his arms up in frustration.   
  
“Why not? Do you have a problem with poofs?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“But you yourself can’t be one.”  
  
“Precisely.”  
  
“Why not? And don’t say because you’re ‘Arthur bloody Pendragon.’ If you can’t give me one good reason why it’s not alright for you to like men, then your problem isn’t that you’re gay, it’s that you clearly have some sort of identity crisis. And I can’t help you with that.”  
  
Arthur gnashed his teeth. “You wouldn’t understand.”  
  
“Arthur, if it’s because of what people will think of you, just forget it. It’s college, not the real world. Sure there are homophobic sacks of shit, but most of the bullies in school grow out of it.”  
  
“Is that what you did? You just said ‘fuck it’ and did whatever you wanted because their opinion didn’t matter to you anyway?” Arthur asked.  
  
“Yes. And I’m glad I did. If I had tried to live my life according to what other people expected, and tried to please everyone at once, I would have died under the pressure. I lived for myself, because when it comes down to it, I’ve only got one life, and I’m not wasting it trying to please others.”  
  
“That is horribly cliché, Morgana.”  
  
“But also true. Just think about it, Arthur. As far as what you  _think_  your problem is, that’s all I got.”  
  
Arthur stifled a sigh. He should have expected as much from Morgana. For some masochistic reason, what Arthur really wanted was for someone to tell him that he was right in feeling disgusted with himself. Arthur wasn’t at all religious, and was honestly fine with the people who considered themselves homosexuals. The lifestyle just wasn’t for him, though. It couldn’t be. Could it?  
  
“Arthur? Are you still there?”  
  
Morgana’s voice interrupted his troubled thoughts. “Yeah, I’m still here. Thanks, I guess.”  
  
“Any time.”  
  
Arthur hung up and only felt slightly better. Yes, it was only college, and in another few months it wouldn’t matter what anyone there thought, but that was only part of his problem. The external conflict. The real heart of the trouble was within himself.  
  
He wished Merlin was there. Merlin made everything better and kissed his fears away. Merlin’s arms were strong, despite their lack of muscle, and lifted the weight off Arthur’s shoulders. With Merlin, “right” and “wrong” seemed to be only words.  
  
And then Arthur hated himself for wanting that. He was weak, pathetically, uncharacteristically, weak, and to even pretend to entertain the idea that someone like Merlin made him stronger was ludicrous. Merlin wrote  _poetry_  for goodness sake.  
  
Arthur didn’t get much sleep that night. He alternated between trying to forget each little detail of Merlin’s body and turning over those same details in his mind so he could cherish them forever. He was battling against himself, and if one side won, another still lost, which in the end, meant all of him lost.  
  
At school, Merlin seemed to disappear altogether. Arthur would have acknowledged him with a nod or a wave, or even a smile had their paths crossed, but Merlin had blended almost too well into the crowd.   
  
Arthur only caught a glimpse of the back of Merlin’s head the next day. He’d felt someone bump into him, then a quick tug on his trousers, and when he spun around trying to catch the culprit, he saw Merlin’s black hair getting farther away. He slipped his hand into his pocket, where he’d felt the tug, and found a folded piece of paper. It was Merlin’s mobile number along with the words “text me” written underneath. For a brief moment, Arthur had butterflies in his stomach.  
  
The whole day, Arthur folded and unfolded that tiny slip of paper. He pulled it out, glanced at it, put it away, thumbed the smooth crease while it was in his pocket, pulled it out again, put it away again.   
  
Finally, in his last class of the day, Arthur took it out and stared at it a long time. He sat in the back row and could risk using his phone. He had the number memorised by now, but still, he consulted the paper after entering each digit, just in case.  
  
 _my car again today,_  Arthur texted. He was restless the remainder of the class and bounced his leg thoughtlessly as the seconds ticked by. Finally the last bell rang and he was free.  
  
Well, almost. Kay, Percival, Val, Lance, and Gwaine all wanted to get together and hang out. He exited the building with them as usual, and made up the excuse of homework to get out of it.   
  
When Arthur got to his car, Merlin seemed to materialise out of nowhere. Arthur jumped at the sudden sight of him, and immediately he felt light as air.  
  
“Hey,” Merlin said, almost boredly. The twinkle in his eyes gave away his excitement.  
  
Arthur glanced around before speaking. “Hey. Get in.” He unlocked the doors and Merlin hurried around to the other side. Once hidden behind the tinted windows they each breathed a sigh of relief and their hands intertwined automatically.   
  
“That was the longest day of my life,” Merlin stated. Arthur agreed.  
  
“Where were you? I didn’t see you.”  
  
“I thought about it a little more. About us, I mean,” Merlin explained. “It’ll be easier for you if you don’t see me at all. You won’t have to pretend to not really know me.”  
  
Arthur lifted his free hand to cup Merlin’s cheek, stopped, then remembered that he could, that it was alright because it was just them. Merlin smiled when Arthur caressed his pale cheek and leaned into the touch.  
  
“I like seeing you, though,” Arthur said. “If I could I’d carry around a photo of you so I could see you all the time.”  
  
Merlin laughed at the idea. Arthur was really a big romantic and a softie at heart. It was endearing but also cliché and funny.  
  
“I could send you a picture on my phone,” Merlin suggested. “It should be safe as long as nobody goes through your gallery.”  
  
“My mobile is password protected,” Arthur replied, liking the idea already. Having a digital Merlin to carry around would help with his whole self-loathing cycle a lot.  
  
“Okay. I’ll send it to you later.”  
  
“I wanna take it,” Arthur surprised himself by saying. Merlin nodded, understanding immediately.  
  
“Let’s leave before someone wonders why you’re sitting in your car for no apparent reason,” Merlin said. Following his advice, Arthur started the machine and sped off towards Merlin’s house.  
  
“Nobody there again today, right?” Arthur asked at a traffic light.  
  
“Nope. Mum works till about five or five thirty every night. Plenty of time.”  
  
Their hearts hammered in their chests as they mentally appended just what it was they had plenty of time for.  
  
Instead of pulling into the driveway, Arthur parked by the kerb. They went straight to Merlin’s room and sat cross-legged on the large bed, their schoolbags open beside them.  
  
Arthur finished his homework rather quickly. He was good at maths and only had to read a few pages of a book for English, so he passed the time spent waiting for Merlin by discreetly picking up and reading various crumpled papers on Merlin’s floor. Most of them really were ramblings, snatches of thoughts that Merlin deemed important to write down before they were lost forever. Some of them even resembled the dark, stereotypical “emo” poetry that Arthur would normally scoff at. There were a select few however, that stood out as sheer brilliance and if Arthur hadn’t known any better he would’ve thought they were written by a renowned, published poet.   
  
He picked up one that had short, choppy lines:  
  
 _though the sun is shining,_  
 _i am in the shadows._  
 _though I am smiling,_  
 _i am actually crying._  
 _though I am silent,_  
 _i really am screaming._  
 _though I appear to be alive,_  
 _i am in fact dead._  
 _when I am smiling,_  
 _know it’s not real._  
 _know that it is—_  
  
Suddenly Arthur felt Merlin breathing down his neck heavily and the paper disappeared from his hands. “I thought I told you not to read any of this stuff,” he said into Arthur’s ear. "Ugh, it's one of the bad ones, too."  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Merlin kissed a trail down Arthur’s neck to his collarbone. “You will be,” he threatened.  
  
Arthur stiffened. “What does that mean?”  
  
Arthur could feel rather than see Merlin’s grin. “It means I’m going to punish you.” Merlin’s voice was dripping with lust and his tone was positively filthy and Arthur was curious to know just how Merlin planned on punishing him.  
  
He turned around and Merlin kissed him properly, with all the pent up affection of the past twenty-four hours seeping between their lips and sending sparks of electricity through them. After a little while Arthur felt himself being pushed onto his back and Merlin was above him, straddling his hips.   
  
Merlin straightened his back and smiled wickedly down at Arthur. He took off his fitted shirt in one smooth movement and began rolling his hips in circles, grinding into Arthur and pressing their groins together maddeningly.  
  
Merlin looked perfect like that, his spine straight, his head thrown back. He looked a bit like a king on a throne. And Arthur was the throne.   
  
Arthur would have loved to watch Merlin get himself off on his body but his trousers were becoming extremely uncomfortable. He reached for Merlin’s button, figuring if he undid his Merlin might have mercy, but Merlin swatted his hands away.  
  
“This is your punishment, remember?” Merlin leaned down over him, his back arching beautifully, to whisper in Arthur’s ear. “You invaded my privacy.”  
  
The breath tickled Arthur’s skin and the sensation strengthened his hard-on. “Merlin,” he gasped. “Please.”  
  
Merlin smiled, like that was all he was waiting for, Arthur to beg. He climbed off and took off the rest of his clothes while letting Arthur do the same.  
  
“Stay down,” Merlin ordered as he crawled over Arthur’s body. Arthur watched in fascination as Merlin settled himself on his chest, straddling him like before but this time sitting backward.   
  
“What are you—” Merlin’s mouth on his cock cut him off. It was amazing. Arthur had only been sucked off once before, by a slightly intoxicated girl at a party, and Merlin was so much better. He went down farther, he sucked harder, he used his tongue like an expert, and he knew just when to pick up speed and slow down.  
  
Arthur could feel Merlin’s own cock laying heavy on his stomach, and could see Merlin’s balls hanging in a tight sack from behind him. And Merlin’s arse...it was right there, round and glorious in Arthur’s face and begging to be touched.  
  
Merlin moaned low when Arthur placed a wary hand on the globe of his arse and the vibration called up the intense need to come. Arthur squeezed Merlin’s right cheek, wondering if he liked it as much as he did, and Merlin raised his arse to get more. Arthur eagerly took both cheeks in hand and kneaded the flesh while Merlin continued to bob up and down on Arthur’s cock. Arthur tensed up when he felt himself about to come and that was just when Merlin pulled off.  
  
“No!” Arthur protested.   
  
Merlin hadn’t abandoned him completely. He still lapped at the veiny sides with his tongue but it wasn’t nearly enough.   
  
“Merlin!”  
  
Merlin chuckled and lightly grazed the head of Arthur’s dick with his teeth. Arthur shivered and let his hands fall from Merlin’s arse weakly.   
  
In response, Merlin whined. He pushed his arse back into Arthur’s face and the back of his balls nudged Arthur’s nose. Arthur inhaled the sweaty smell deeply and, on instinct, placed a wet kiss there. Once he got a taste, he couldn’t stop. This area was different than Merlin’s cock, saltier, sure, but also more personal. Arthur wanted to take all of Merlin into his mouth and taste him on his tongue forever.   
  
“Fuck, Arthur, that’s—God yes, right there, more, please,” Merlin pleaded.   
  
Spurred on by Merlin’s needy tone, Arthur grabbed Merlin’s arse again, this time purposefully, and adjusted Merlin’s thighs so they were on either side of his head. Then he tilted his chin and took Merlin greedily between his lips.  
  
“Y-yeah, there you go, just like that,” Merlin panted.   
  
As a reward, Merlin returned to Arthur’s swollen prick. He sucked slowly, almost lovingly, so he could make it last till he himself came. Arthur’s arms were wrapped around Merlin’s thighs, making them move up and down over his face so Merlin was effectively fucking his mouth.   
  
Arthur came first. He tried to give Merlin some warning but he had a bit of a hard time with a mouth full of cock. Instead he pinched the flesh of Merlin’s arse, and in the end his release erupted in Merlin’s mouth.  
  
Merlin’s lack of a reaction was surprising. He simply kept licking up the hot liquid that spurted from Arthur’s dick onto his tongue until it was over with, while simultaneously managing to keep up a steady rhythm of thrusting into Arthur’s face.  
  
Arthur worried that Merlin would try to make him swallow as well. This was punishment after all, wasn’t it? He could feel Merlin’s cock swell up, could taste the hint of blood just beneath the skin, and thick beads of precome were leaking out onto his tongue. He wanted to keep this up as long as possible, wanted to make it just as good for Merlin as it was for him, but he was beginning to panic.   
  
He needn’t have worried, as it turned out. Merlin knew his boundaries and pulled out just in time to come on Arthur’s chest. Arthur knew semen was hot, but it felt different when it wasn’t slipping between his fingers. There was a certain amazed feeling that went with seeing something so personal of someone else’s on him. All of that had been inside Merlin, and all of it had rushed out because of what Arthur had done.  
  
Merlin fell onto his side breathlessly. His arms ached from holding himself up. When he opened his eyes after a few moments he saw Arthur trailing his fingers through the white mess on his chest, looking at it like it was something he’d never seen before.  
  
And then,  _then_ , Arthur brought a finger to his lips and licked the come clean off. It was so incredibly sexy, Merlin groaned and shut his eyes again.  
  
The weight on the bed shifted and when Merlin opened his eyes Arthur was right there smiling before him. He was on his side, propped up on his elbow, and reaching out to tousle Merlin’s hair. Merlin let his hair be ruffled even though he hated when his mum did it. Somehow it was different with Arthur.  
  
“I’ll get a flannel to clean you up,” Merlin said, nodding to Arthur’s stained chest. Arthur’s stomach growled loudly, and they laughed. “Then we can eat.”  
  
“Sounds good to me.”  
  
Merlin slid off the bed and Arthur watched him leave the room with a contented smile on his face. Merlin’s bony arse still had his fingerprints bruised on it. When he returned, the front view was even better. Arthur wished he had a photo so he could wank to it whenever he wanted.  
  
“Hey, eyes up here, pervert,” Merlin teased and Arthur blushed. Merlin tossed the damp towel over and Arthur wiped himself clean, then joined Merlin in getting dressed.   
  
When they were seated at the small table in the kitchen, eating peanut butter and nutella sandwiches, Merlin asked, “So are you, er, alright?”  
  
Arthur swallowed the food in his mouth. “What do you mean?”  
  
“You aren’t, uh, regretting anything, are you? You’re not gonna freak out like you did yesterday?”  
  
Arthur licked his lips and shook his head. “No. I’m fine when I’m with you. It’s when I’m alone that it’s the worst.”  
  
“Well now you have my number. You can call or text whenever.”  
  
Arthur smiled at the prospect. “Yeah. Any classes you can get away with texting in?”  
  
Merlin snorted. “All of them. Nobody will notice.”  
  
“I have two, one in the morning and one at the end of the day. And of course lunch.”  
  
“Brilliant.”  
  
They finished their sandwiches then went back up to Merlin’s room. When Merlin went to use the toilet, Arthur slipped the poem he’d been reading into his schoolbag. He left right at five o’clock, after ten minutes of snogging that he wished would never end.  
  
When he got home, he read the rest of Merlin’s poem.  
  
 _though the sun is shining,_  
 _i am in the shadows._  
 _though I am smiling,_  
 _i am actually crying._  
 _though I am silent,_  
 _i really am screaming._  
 _though I appear to be alive,_  
 _i am in fact dead._  
 _when I am smiling,_  
 _know it’s not real._  
 _know that it is longing_  
 _and pain that I feel._  
 _when I say it’s nothing,_  
 _just help anyway._  
 _when I tell you I’m fine,_  
 _ignore what I say._  
 _when I tell you I am happy,_  
 _please don’t walk away._  
 _it will only continue_  
 _to ruin my day._  
 _though the sun is shining,_  
 _i walk in my own shadow._  
  
The next day was Friday and Arthur had football training, then a game on Saturday. Merlin refused to go watch him play but would make it up to him on Sunday.   
  
Two weeks into their secret relationship, things began to change.  
  
 **M:**  u look like u need your dick sucked  
  
Arthur’s eyes popped at the text on the screen of his mobile and he turned bright red. He could feel Merlin’s eyes staring at him from across the canteen.  
  
A heavy hand fell on Arthur’s shoulder. “Out with it, then,” Gwaine said. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”  
  
Arthur turned the display off and looked up. “Huh?” All of his friends were smiling at him knowingly.  
  
“You’re blushing like a girl, mate,” Percival remarked.   
  
“And you’re always blowing us off to go hang out somewhere else lately,” Lance added.  
  
“So who is she?” Gwaine asked again.  
  
“Uh...” Arthur panicked. “I don’t think you know her.”  
  
“Give us a name, then,” Kay encouraged.   
  
Arthur shook his head. “It’s not even that serious.”  
  
“Not serious, my arse. You’ve been on a whole other planet, mate. Always getting these glassy-eyed looks and smiling to yourself when you think no one’s watching,” Gwaine said. “Admit it, Pendragon. You’re in love.”  
  
Arthur blinked. In love? He hadn’t even thought about applying that term to what he had with Merlin. And yet he knew that’s exactly how he felt once the word had been thrown out there.   
  
He chuckled nervously. “I don’t think so.” He returned to his meal. His friends looked at each other sceptically.  
  
“Whatever you say, man,” Gwaine began, “but people besides us are starting to talk. People notice these things, especially for someone like you. Word’s out: Arthur Pendragon has got himself a girlfriend.”  
  
The rest of them nodded and Arthur felt his stomach sink. He was suddenly not hungry. Merlin, across the room, saw the look of dismay pass over his features and sent another text.  
  
 **M:**  everything ok?  
 **Arthur:** no. apparently people can tell im in love. everyone thinks i have a gf.  
  
Merlin didn’t say anything else. He was great about knowing when Arthur did and didn’t want to talk. But he was curious:  _Was_  Arthur in love? Is that what they were calling their feelings for each other now?  
  
In his last class of the day, Merlin was surprised by a vibration in his pocket.  
  
 **Arthur:**  loo by the gym, now  
  
Merlin slipped out of his seat and through the open door to the left of him. Nobody saw him leave.   
  
“Hello?” Merlin’s voice echoed off the tile walls when he entered.  
  
There was silence at first, then Arthur popped his head out of a stall. “Hey,” he said. He reached his arm out and Merlin took his hand, smiling. When they were alone in the stall, they kissed and Merlin asked what this was all about.  
  
“I’m kind of freaking out,” Arthur admitted.  
  
Merlin raised an eyebrow. “You couldn’t wait till after class? The day’s almost over.”  
  
“I know, I know, but,” Arthur caressed Merlin’s cheek softly. “I wanted to talk now.”  
  
“About what happened at lunch?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“It’s your own doing. People that get a lot of attention should know how to mask their emotions better. It’s not my fault you’re so bad.”  
  
“I’m bad, eh?” Arthur grinned devilishly. “Maybe you should punish me again.” He nipped at Merlin’s earlobe and Merlin’s breath hitched in his throat.  
  
“Y-you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”  
  
“Mmm,” Arthur moaned into his neck. Arthur ran his hands up Merlin’s shirt and pulled him closer. Merlin whined once, but was not to be swayed.  
  
“I’m serious. If you don’t want people finding out about us, you’ll have to work at it.”  
  
“I will,” Arthur promised, and he agreed with the statement himself. “What class are you in?”  
  
“Psychology. Mister Thomas won’t miss me.”  
  
“Good. Stay a little longer.” Arthur pressed his lips to Merlin’s again and they stood there, just kissing and enjoying the slide of their tongues together, until the unmistakable sound of a vibrating phone could be heard.  
  
“Was that you?” Merlin asked between sucking Arthur’s bottom lip.  
  
Arthur stiffened immediately. “No.”  
  
The stall door beside theirs clanged open and heavy footsteps walked past them and out into the corridor. Arthur thought for sure his heart would jump right out of his chest.  
  
Merlin put a finger to his lips to signal silence and left their shared stall. Arthur heard him check the others for anyone else, then let him back in.   
  
“No one,” he reported. “Didn’t you look when you first came in here?”  
  
“No,” Arthur said bitterly. “Do you think whoever it was recognised our voices?”  
  
“Probably not. I don’t really speak enough for anyone to know my voice and if somebody did recognise you they probably would have tried to look over the side to make sure it was actually you.”  
  
Arthur felt only slightly relieved. “Still, the rumours are sure to start spreading about two guys hooking up in the college loo.” He could hear the whispers already.  
  
“Of course they will. But they’ll just be rumours. It’ll pass,” Merlin told him reassuringly. He placed his hand on Arthur’s shoulder and Arthur flinched. Merlin frowned.  
  
“Maybe we should slow down,” Arthur said and Merlin suddenly felt very heavy. “Until all this about me having a girlfriend blows over.”  
  
Merlin swallowed the lump in his throat. Arthur was not breaking up with him. They were just slowing down.   
  
“Yeah. Okay.” The words didn’t seem to come from him somehow. His voice sounded like it was far away.  
  
“We’ll meet up only on Sundays from now on, okay? When your mum thinks you’re playing video games with your mates.”  
  
Merlin couldn’t breathe. This should be good news. Arthur wasn’t going to leave him completely, just little by little. A clean break. Merlin would hardly feel a thing.  
  
“Okay?” Arthur repeated. Merlin wasn’t looking so good. More pale than usual. And his breaths were coming in quick short huffs. “Merlin?”  
  
Merlin nodded slowly, unblinkingly. His face was an empty slate, devoid of expression, just blank-stared agreement.  
  
He had to get out of there. He couldn’t be with Arthur a single second more, not when it was so obvious he was trying to let him down easy. It was over. Arthur was certain that he’d been caught and now he was telling Merlin that things couldn’t carry on as they had. They had to go their separate ways. Because what would a jock-type want with a pathetic, doped-up, sad sack like him?  
  
Merlin’s sudden comatose-like state frightened Arthur. He held Merlin close and kissed him again. Some colour seemed to come back to Merlin’s cheeks.   
  
“They’re right about one thing, Merlin,” Arthur whispered into his ear. “I am in love.”  
  
Merlin snapped back to the present. He was here, in Arthur’s arms, and Arthur was telling him he loved him. A small smile came to Merlin’s face and Arthur breathed easy. “I love you too, Arthur,” Merlin said.  
  
When Merlin returned to class and slipped into his seat at the back of the classroom, one pair of eyes watched him take out his mobile and check his messages.  
  
 **Arthur:**  just two more games till the end of the season :)  
  
****  
  
It was Friday again. Tomorrow was the second to last football match of the year, Sunday Arthur would spend with Merlin. Another week would pass by, he’d win the final game of his college career, and then he could somehow work up the nerve to tell everyone he was gay. The plan was simple.  
  
But walking into school that morning, nothing seemed simple. The rumours  _had_  started, that much was obvious. Looking around, Arthur noticed no one was staring at him any differently, which was good. There was, however, a large crowd circled around some poor soul in the middle of the courtyard. Around Merlin.  
  
From what Arthur could pick up from the snatches of conversations he overheard, George, a boy in Merlin’s psychology class, had gone to the loo to use his phone yesterday. Someone came in, and shortly after, someone else. There was a rather intimate conversation between the two of them, lots of kissing, and then George’s mobile had gone off and he left right away, but not before hearing one of them say they were in Thomas’s psychology class, which was the same class George had been trying to skip. George went back to class, and not too long after, he saw Merlin sneak back into his seat, smiling like a lovesick fool.   
  
Now, George, Kay, and a few other boys had Merlin backed against a wall, enclosing him in a semi-circle. There were lots of people watching the scene; girls that looked on in sympathy, girls that snapped photos of him on their phones, boys that looked at him like he was dirt, boys that looked like they wanted to help him but didn’t want to be pulled into it themselves.   
  
Merlin stood there alone, staring down at his shoes as insults seemed to bounce off him. His hands hung limp at his side and his schoolbag slung over his shoulder seemed to be dragging him down.   
  
Arthur swallowed and looked around. Somebody, anybody should have been helping him! One of the kids Merlin called posers, maybe. Merlin separated himself from them but didn’t all the goth freaks and punks and whatnot look out for each other? Arthur would have lent a hand if it was one of his friends being shamed.  
  
“So who is it Merlin, who’s your butt buddy?” Arthur’s teammate Val was urging. “One of your other stupid emo friends?”  
  
“What friends?” Kay jeered. “Merlin’s a freak even in that group of losers. I bet it’s one of the brains, like Gilli.”  
  
Gilli, who’d been watching with interest, looked mortified. “Wh-what? I barely even know Merlin! And either way, I like girls.”  
  
There was a lot of deliberation about who may or may not be Merlin’s “fellow fairy,” if it wasn’t one of the emo kids. It became a shouting match as people offered up possibilities, and Merlin stood helpless in the centre.  
  
Arthur gnashed his teeth in frustration. Every muscle urged him to step forward and put a stop to this, to grab Merlin by the hand and lead him away. But he couldn’t, for the same reason nobody else did. He didn’t want to be associated with the situation.  
  
Merlin’s stupid poem echoed in his head “ _Though I am smiling, I am actually crying. Though I am silent, I really am screaming._ ” Merlin’s silence among all the yelling was the worst of all. And somehow, even though Arthur never took his eyes off his boyfriend, Kay must have decided Merlin had done something terrible because he was looking at Merlin critically, and winding his arm back, preparing to strike.  
  
“Kay!” Arthur shouted suddenly. He couldn’t believe what he’d done, but there it was, and now he had to think of something to follow it up with.   
  
The noise tapered off into murmurs and whispers of “Arthur—”, “Arthur Pendragon”, “...will put a stop to this for sure.” All eyes turned to him as he walked into the centre where Kay’s fist was frozen mid-swing.  
  
Arthur swallowed and put on his best demeaning look. Anyone that fell under such a stare would immediately feel insolent and inadequate. He’d learned how to do it from Morgana.  
  
“What the fuck is all this?” He asked, gesturing to Merlin and the crowd. “Since when do you pick on people half your size for entertainment?”  
  
Kay was speechless. Val chose to quietly slink back into the masses. He knew how Arthur could get. George, not so much.  
  
“This little emo poof hooked up with someone in the loo,” George declared and pointed straight at Merlin. Merlin hunched in on himself but no matter how small he shrunk, it was never enough. Not when he was under the microscope like this.  
  
Arthur raised a judging eyebrow and looked George up and down. “Who the hell are you?”  
  
George lowered his arm slowly. “George Mason.”  
  
“Tell me George, why do you care so much about who he hooks up with? Are you jealous it wasn’t you?”  
  
The whole crowd went “ooh” and George turned red as a tomato.   
  
“No way! I’m not like that,” he said firmly.   
  
“Okay. So what’s the point in harassing this guy?” Arthur jerked a thumb at Merlin.  
  
George shifted uncertainly. “Um...”  
  
Arthur rolled his eyes, letting his body say what his mouth wouldn’t: “God, I’m surrounded by idiots.” Everybody suddenly felt very awkward and ashamed at having contributed to such a thing. The crowd dispersed, leaving only Merlin, Arthur, and Kay.   
  
“Honestly, Kay, I expected better,” Arthur said disapprovingly. “It’s one thing to make fun of a guy, but to hit him for no apparent reason? You probably would have got suspended and wouldn’t have been able to play in the game tomorrow and where would that have left the team, one player short? You’re lucky I stopped this before it got out of control.”  
  
Kay mumbled something bitterly and glared at the ground.   
  
Arthur sighed in frustration. “Come on, then, let’s go meet up with Lance and the others. Way to ruin a perfectly good Friday morning, Kay.”  
  
He turned and started walking inside, Kay following like a chastised child behind him.  
  
“Thank you!” Merlin squeaked.   
  
Arthur didn’t even turn around. “Yeah, whatever.”  
  
Word spread fast about what happened to those who weren’t present. Groups of girls swooned over Arthur and his “heroic deed,” and boys nodded to show their respect.  
  
 _Did you hear? Arthur Pendragon stood up for one of the emo boys._  
  
 _I know! He’s such a good person..._  
  
 _And sexy, too..._  
  
 _That Pendragon bloke has guts. I don’t think I could have walked into that circle alone and did all that._  
  
 _Yeah, he’s a good guy. Sorted out those three real quick._  
  
 _Those guys are wankers and everyone knows it. Only a matter of time, really..._  
  
 _And since Arthur’s got everyone’s respect, he’s the man for the job..._  
  
 _That poor boy...what was his name? Merlin? People are so cruel these days._  
  
 _Total brutes. Even if it was a girl he’d been with in the loo it was nobody’s business._  
  
 _Exactly. Though I do wonder..._  
  
 _He’s not that bad looking for an emo bloke..._  
  
By the end of the day, Arthur was like a saint. People praised his good samaritan act and some kind souls even approached Merlin to apologise on behalf of the three rotten apples in the bunch.  
  
Merlin hated all the attention and tried desperately to disappear. At lunch he sat under a tree among the group of “posers” he disliked so much, in the hopes that his pale skin, dark hair, and black clothing would help him blend in. He turned the volume all the way up on his headphones and shut everything out. He hoped by Monday everyone would forget anything ever happened.  
  
But first came Saturday. Before Arthur, Saturday meant staying inside all day reading or writing. Then his mum, like clockwork, would nag him to take out the rubbish and get some sun (or, if it was raining, fresh air). He’d ride his bike to the park and and sit for two or three hours beneath the ruined playground just listening to music.   
  
That’s what he did this Saturday. He had his eyes closed and was halfway into a song by Pg. 99 when suddenly sweaty fists clamped around his ankles and pulled him out from under the jungle gym.  
  
The sun blinded him momentarily and he saw only two shadows looming above him. Then his eyes adjusted and he recognised their evil grins immediately. Val and Kay.   
  
They had their red and gold football kit on, which meant they were on their way to the match. How they found him Merlin didn’t have time to consider. He rolled onto his stomach, pushed himself up and lunged forward to start running.  
  
A cleated foot tripped him up and he fell back down to the ground hard. He knocked his chin on the packed dirt and it rattled his teeth.   
  
“You made us look like scum,” Val spat.  
  
“Everyone thinks we’re insensitive tossers now,” Kay added.  
  
“And this time Arthur is busy warming up for the game.”  
  
Kay bent down and slammed his cleats on Merlin’s back. The sharp points dug into his skin painfully. The smiling footballer leaned in close and looked Merlin straight in his terrified eyes. “No one to save you now, emo fairy.”  
  
****  
  
They won the match. Arthur passed to Lance, who ran the ball down the pitch enough to pass to Gwaine, who scored the game point brilliantly. They were undefeated so far, and after one more game, they’d be the reigning champions.   
  
To celebrate they went to Gwaine’s house. His family was wealthy, though he didn’t act like it, and had the second biggest house among them—Arthur’s being the largest, naturally. They ordered a dozen pizzas and sprawled out in front of the television that took up a whole wall. They played Call of Duty, raided Gwaine’s parents’ cupboard for the good wine, then attempted to play more Call of Duty while pissed. It was overall a great night for everyone.  
  
Arthur woke early (early for the weekend anyways) so he could cherish every minute of the day with Merlin. While the others snored and drooled into pillows, Arthur wiggled into his trousers, managed to find his keys among all the empty crisp bags and wine bottles, and left the house silently. He was feeling great when he parked outside Merlin’s house.  
  
He could tell something was wrong the minute Hunith opened the door. Her eyes were red like she’d been crying and her lips were chapped from being chewed so much. Arthur’s smile faded instantly from his face.  
  
“What’s wrong?” He asked.  
  
“It’s Merlin.”  
  
Arthur ran past her and took the stairs two at a time. He went straight to Merlin’s door but it was locked.   
  
“Merlin, it’s Arthur, let me in,” he said sternly.  
  
“Go away.” His voice sounded muffled, like he was burying his face in a pillow.   
  
Arthur rattled the door knob forcefully. “Open this door, Merlin, or I’ll break it. You know I’m strong enough, and your mother is so worried I’m pretty sure she’d let me.”  
  
Arthur thought he could hear Merlin mumble something along the lines of “overdramatic posh prat” and a second later there was a click, and Arthur stormed in.   
  
Merlin was facing away and seemed reluctant to look at him. “Don’t let my mum in.”  
  
Hunith, who was peering in from the corridor, looked from her son to Arthur distraughtly.   
  
Arthur sighed and went to close the door. “It’ll just be a minute, Ms Emrys.” Amongst everything, Arthur forgot to call her by her preferred name.  
  
With his mum shut out, Merlin sat down against his bed, but still wouldn’t look at Arthur. He brought his knees up to his chin and folded his arms over his legs, hiding his face in the shadow.   
  
“Merlin.” Arthur approached him cautiously. “Have you been taking your medication?”  
  
Merlin laughed bitterly. “As if that’ll make things better.” There was a pause and Merlin’s tone lowered. “Yes.”  
  
“Then what’s wrong?” Arthur knelt beside him and put a hand on his arm. “Did something happen?”  
  
Merlin tried to shift out of Arthur’s touch. Arthur noticed and frowned. “Nothing. Nothing that can’t wait till next Sunday anyways.”  
  
“What is that supposed to mean? Merlin will you just tell me how to help you?”  
  
“I’m trying to help  _you_ , Arthur. If you knew, you’d...it would ruin everything. I’m fine. Really. Just come back next Sunday, alright?”  
  
Arthur stiffened. Those words.  _I’m fine._  They seemed in that moment to be Arthur’s sworn enemies.   
  
“‘When I say it’s nothing, just help anyway,’” Arthur recited. “‘When I tell you I’m fine, ignore what I say.’” Merlin stopped trying to scoot away from Arthur. “‘When I tell you I am happy, please don’t walk away.’ Ring any bells, Merlin?”  
  
Merlin was quiet a little while then said, “I told you not to go into my personal stuff.” Arthur could hear the slightest hint of teasing in the tone, and took that as encouragement.  
  
“This is me not walking away, Merlin. I know you too well and I love you too much to just let you sit here and mope. So tell me what’s wrong.” He brought Merlin closer into his arms and held him there until Merlin finally raised his head.  
  
Arthur gasped. Merlin’s left eye was swollen almost completely shut, his lip was split, and there were traces of bruises on his neck that suggested further injury lower down.   
  
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Merlin insisted.   
  
“Let me see.”   
  
Merlin sighed and pulled his shirt over his head. Sure enough, there was a spot of deep red that ran from Merlin’s neck, over the collarbone, and onto his right shoulder. The bruises on his chest were the worst. They were purple and concentrated in one main area. Arthur could imagine Merlin’s attackers kicking him repeatedly until he begged for them to stop, and even then they kept at it.  
  
What really made Arthur’s blood boil was Merlin’s back. There were shoeprints stamped into the skin. Cleats.  
  
“Who did this to you?” Though Arthur already knew the answer. He needed to hear it for some reason.   
  
Arthur’s hollow tone scared Merlin. And judging by the firm set of his jaw, nothing good would come afterwards.  
  
“Arthur—”  
  
“ _Who?!_ ”  
  
Merlin cringed. “V-Val. And...Kay.”  
  
Of course. “Right then. Put your shirt back on and come downstairs.”  
  
“Arthur—”  
  
“Do it.” There was no arguing with that voice.  
  
Arthur stood and opened the door. “Merlin and I will be back shortly,” he told Hunith. She must have seen something in Arthur’s eyes because she didn’t protest.  
  
Merlin shuffled past his mum with his head down and followed Arthur. Arthur picked up Merlin’s shoes on the way out of the house and threw them into Merlin’s lap once they were in the car. Arthur took off down the road at a dangerous speed and Merlin wondered whether dying was part of the plan.  
  
He didn’t dare ask where they were going. He feared that if he did, Arthur would really lose it and they’d crash, or he’d stomp the brake and they’d go flying through the windscreen. So Merlin tied his shoes, tightened his seatbelt, and tried not to notice the crazy glint in Arthur’s eyes.  
  
They stopped in front of a large house, a mansion almost. Other cars were parked outside and Merlin recognised them as those of the rest of the football team’s. Before Merlin could take in much else, Arthur was getting out and walking over the manicured lawn like a man with the intent to kill.  
  
The door was unlocked, and Arthur stormed in noisily. Lance and Gwaine woke up immediately at the commotion, but the others had had more to drink and were sleeping more heavily. Arthur pulled the dozing Val to his feet first, the unfortunate boy being closest to the entrance, and punched his bleary-eyed face.  
  
“Whoa, hey!” Gwaine yelled. Before anyone could stop him, he went to Kay’s sleeping form and gave him the same treatment.   
  
“What the fuck, Arthur!” Gwaine shouted. Merlin slunk in the doorway and tried to disappear behind a potted plant in the corner of the room.  
  
Val, having been decked first, recovered first as well, and held his face gingerly. “What was that for?” He said, spitting blood on the beige carpet. “I think you fractured my jaw.”  
  
“I think you broke my nose,” Kay mumbled.  
  
“If either one of you  _ever_  so much as  _thinks_ about laying a  _finger_  on my boyfriend again, so help me I will kill you both in your fucking  _sleep_ ,” Arthur growled. It wasn’t loud, but low and menacing, and that much more frightening.  
  
“What? You mean the cocksucker we beat up yesterday?” Val said unthinkingly. Arthur punched him in his gut and he bent over, gasping for air.  
  
“Arthur—” Lance tried.  
  
“Stay out of this.” Arthur’s glare was so heated nobody dared defy him after that.  
  
“Listen, Arthur, we didn’t know—” Kay offered, worried that what happened to Val might happen to him.   
  
“That I’d find out or that I’d care so much?”  
  
“Um...Both?”  
  
Arthur fumed. It took all his restraint not to lay into them just as bad—no, worse—as they’d done Merlin. The room was thick with tension. Val and Kay held their throbbing faces and looked at Arthur as if he was the devil himself. Merlin watched silently from the corner. Everyone else looked from Arthur, to the hiding Merlin, to the two injured with wide eyes. The scene seemed almost unreal.  
  
“On your knees,” Arthur suddenly ordered.   
  
“Wh-what?” Val asked, incredulous.  
  
“Get on your fucking knees, I said!”  
  
The two of them knelt quickly.   
  
“Come here, Merlin.” Arthur didn’t turn to look, but felt Merlin’s presence behind him. Merlin stepped forward warily, as if Val and Kay were snakes just waiting to bite him, no matter how tame they seemed to be at the moment.  
  
When Merlin was beside Arthur with his two assailants kneeling before them, Arthur said, “Apologise.”  
  
“Sorry, Merlin.”  
  
“Sorry, Merlin, please forgive me.”  
  
There was a brief silence, then, “Merlin, do you forgive them?”  
  
Merlin glanced sideways at Arthur, then back down to Val and Kay. He hated them more than he hated anything in the entire world, and his hate welled up inside him like a balloon ready to burst. He swung his right foot back and propelled it forward, kicking the air from Kay’s lungs. Val had got two hits, it was only fair that Kay receive the same.  
  
“Now I do.” Merlin grinned wickedly.   
  
“Okay, what the hell just happened?” Gwaine interrupted Merlin and Arthur’s shared laughter. “This is my house and I deserve to know why two guys just got blood on my floor.”  
  
Percival and Lance nodded. Everyone’s eyes widened when Arthur took Merlin’s hand and squeezed it affectionately.  
  
“Take off your shirt, Merlin,” Arthur said softly. Merlin pulled his shirt over his head slowly.  
  
“Oh my God,” Lance gasped. The rest of them murmured similar expressions of shock. Val and Kay kept their heads down as they stood and gathered their things to leave.  
  
Arthur turned Merlin around and showed them his back. Gwaine rushed forward suddenly and hauled Val and Kay to the door by their shirt collars.  
  
“Get the fuck out of my house,” he growled. “I don’t have the restraint Arthur does.”  
  
The two boys landed on the doorstep and scraped their hands and knees. The door slammed shut behind them.  
  
Merlin put his shirt back on and tried to disappear again. Arthur held his hand and wouldn’t let him. He looked over at his boyfriend and saw the turmoil behind his eyes.  
  
“Arthur?” Merlin squeezed the blonde’s hand. The gravity of the situation was just coming to Arthur. His words echoed in his head:  _If either one of you ever so much as thinks about laying a finger on my boyfriend again..._  
  
But Merlin knew Arthur wouldn’t freak out in public, not in front of his teammates. Arthur wasn’t letting go of his hand either, so that was something at least.  
  
“So.” Gwaine turned from kicking the bullies out. “Merlin’s the reason behind your dopey grin lately?” He walked up and nodded to their intertwined hands, which suddenly felt as if it were being pointed at with neon signs.  
  
“Um. Yeah,” Arthur said, his anger replaced with anxiety.   
  
Gwaine took Merlin’s free hand and shook it, smiling warmly at him. “Nice to meet you, Merlin.”  
  
“Er, hi.”  
  
The rest of team followed Gwaine’s example.  
  
“Hey, Merlin.”  
  
“Hiya, Merlin.”  
  
“You treating our captain right, Merlin?”  
  
“Sorry about those two, Merlin.”  
  
Merlin shook all their hands in turn and gave what he hoped was a smile as friendly as theirs. “Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you, too.”  
  
When they all had formally introduced themselves, Gwaine urged Arthur and Merlin to sit down and tell them everything. Arthur looked at Merlin, who seemed uncomfortable from all the attention, and Arthur himself wasn’t quite ready to talk about their relationship.  
  
“I think Merlin would rather leave,” Arthur said. Merlin cast his eyes down. “And being here reminds me of  _them_. We’ll just go. Come on, Merlin.”  
  
They turned to leave and were at the door when Lance spoke up and stopped them.  
  
“Arthur. Um. It’s okay, you know, your being with Merlin.” The rest of the team nodded. “I mean, it’s a surprise and will take some getting used to, but...you should know that if you don’t want to let everyone else know just yet, you can trust us to keep this secret. Assuming Val and Kay don’t let anything slip first.”  
  
Arthur was never so grateful for his teammates as he was then. “Thanks guys. It means a lot to me.”  
  
Back in the car, Arthur sighed and ran a tired hand down his face. “Do you think your mother will mind if you’re gone a little longer?” He asked Merlin, starting the car. In his haste he’d left the keys in the ignition.  
  
“I don’t know. She’s pretty upset already though, so I’m sure an hour or two won’t matter.”  
  
“Good.” Arthur pulled out of the driveway and went in the opposite direction of Merlin’s house.  
  
“Where are we going?”  
  
“My house.”  
  
Arthur’s house. Until then it had only been an idea to Merlin, but suddenly it became very real. He knew Arthur had to live  _some_ where, but had never really thought about it. His imagination ran wild trying to picture what had to a be a grand structure.   
  
It  _was_  grand. Merlin thought Gwaine’s house had been excessively large, but Arthur’s family practically owned an estate. The long driveway ran in a circle around a large stone fountain, bordered with fine shrubberies shaped into perfect spirals. It was like a place right out of a Gothic novel.  
  
The inside felt like it too. It was dimly lit, spacious, and remarkably empty. A thin man with greying brown hair pulled back in a ponytail greeted them at the door.  
  
“Welcome home, Master Pendragon,” he said, bowing slightly.  
  
“Get a bath ready, Cedric,” Arthur ordered, ignoring the salutation.  
  
“Right away, sir.”  
  
The thin man, Cedric, disappeared up the marble staircase and Arthur led Merlin to the kitchen. Merlin stared in wonder at the impressive decor and artwork that was probably worth more than his own humble home.  
  
The kitchen was large enough to feed a small country. Arthur walked around the worktop to the fridge.  
  
“What are you in the mood for?” He asked.  
  
“My face aches too much to do any real chewing,” Merlin admitted sheepishly.  
  
Arthur’s jaw clenched as his anger sprung forth again briefly. “Soup then,” he said flatly.  
  
He heated up a small bowl of tomato soup and watched Merlin eat with a blank stare. When Merlin was done he stood and took the bowl to the sink, then led Merlin up to the bath Cedric had prepared. He told Merlin to get in.  
  
“You don’t have to do all this, Arthur,” Merlin said, eyeing the steaming water.  
  
Arthur cupped Merlin’s cheek, caressing the bruised skin softly, and ran his thumb over his split lip.  
  
“I want to.” He stepped back and went to the door. “My room is at the end of the corridor when you’re done. I think I have some clothes that’ll fit.”  
  
He left Merlin to himself and walked to his room. He had to get out of his clothes. They were the same ones he’d spent the night partying in with those two arseholes, and just being in them made him angry. To think he’d laughed and drank and had a good time with them, all while Merlin was beaten, bruised, and utterly forgot.  
  
Merlin undressed and put a toe in the water. It was hot, but nice. It probably had just enough time to cool to the perfect temperature while he was eating. He slipped the rest of the way in slowly, then sank down until just his head was above the water. The tub was big and the back followed the natural curve of his spine. Unlike his own at home, it was long enough to fit his long legs.  
  
It was heavenly. Arthur’s servant, butler, whatever he was, had put scented bath oil into it and the smell was soothing. Merlin dreaded having to get out, but eventually the water got cold and he thought of Arthur waiting for him down the corridor.  
  
His muscles felt so much better and he was able to stretch without it feeling like someone was pinching his ligaments. He dried himself off and wrapped a towel around his slim waist. It was soft, like velvet on the outside, with an elegant cursive “P” on it. It seemed to dwarf his thin frame and he had to hold it bunched up in his hand.  
  
He stepped out of the loo and cold air rushed at him hard. He looked to the right and saw the only open door in the corridor right at the end. He hurried to it and found Arthur laying on his stomach, reading. He had changed into a striped black v-neck and jeans.

“Feeling better?” Arthur asked, closing the book and putting it aside.  
  
“Much.”  
  
“Come here. I found something that I think will help with the bruising.” He patted the space on the bed beside him and got up to fetch something from a drawer. Merlin let the damp towel drop to the floor, not wanting to get the nice bedspread wet, and sat cross-legged on the soft mattress.  
  
Arthur returned to his side with a bottle of some sort of ointment. When he took the cap off the minty aroma filled the room.  
  
“Lie down on your stomach and I’ll rub this into your back first.”  
  
Merlin stretched out on the large bed and rested his head on his folded arms. He jumped when Arthur’s hands first touched his sore back, but soon got used to the feeling. The smell of the ointment was better than the scented bath oil.  
  
Arthur’s hands on him were godlike. He worked his fingers deep into the muscles but not so hard that it hurt. He must have had a lot of experience with strained muscles from playing football, because he seemed to know just what Merlin needed. He started at the top of Merlin’s spine and worked steadily downwards, kneading his hands and moving them in circles to work out the kinks. As he moved lower and lower, Merlin felt the tension leave all but one part of his body, and he couldn’t help but sigh contentedly.  
  
He felt himself getting harder when Arthur started working on the backs of his thighs. The strong, sure hands were so close to his entrance, and had only to move a few centimetres deeper. He hadn’t shown Arthur the bruises on his legs, but they were definitely visible now. There were, however, none on his arse, and when Arthur’s hands lingered there, Merlin knew the whole experience had to be having the same effect on him.  
  
“Turn over and I’ll do your front,” Arthur said hoarsely. He must have immediately noticed Merlin’s swollen cock, but ignored it and repeated what he did to Merlin’s back, working from top to bottom. Merlin kept his eyes closed, too embarrassed to look directly at Arthur, even though it was obvious Arthur was just as turned on.  
  
Each time Arthur’s hands returned to his skin from getting more cream, Merlin moaned. Arthur’s hands were like magic, erasing all traces of evidence of pain from Merlin’s body. He was still a bit sore, but it was nothing like it was before. And with the help of the healing ointment, the bruises would disappear in a couple of days.  
  
Arthur’s circular motions began to near Merlin’s waist. He worked around the stiff cock laying heavy on Merlin’s stomach, and when one time his finger did graze the hot organ, Merlin inhaled sharply and his back arched instinctively.   
  
“Y-you’re really good at this,” Merlin breathed, slowly lowering his body to the bed again. Arthur’s hands moved down his thighs.  
  
“I see a masseuse every now and then. I’m just trying to emulate what she does.”  
  
“Well, you’re doing a great job.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Merlin still hadn’t opened his eyes, so when he suddenly felt a warm hard wrap around his cock he gasped in surprise and whined high in the back of his throat. He snapped his eyes open and saw Arthur looking down at him with just barely controlled lust. Arthur continued to stroke him up and down as they stared intently at each other.  
  
Arthur’s hand on him was slow and steady, just like they had been on the rest of his body. Everything was so surreal, Arthur’s touch, the smell of the cream, the soft blanket underneath him. It took on a dreamlike quality.  
  
Suddenly it wasn’t enough. Arthur took his hand away, much to Merlin’s annoyance, and rolled him over, parting the bruised legs as he did so. He placed his palms on the globes of Merlin’s arse and wedged his thumbs between the crease to separate them.  
  
“Can I—We haven’t talked about it, but I’d like to—”  
  
“Yes, do it,” Merlin interjected. “Please. I’ve always wanted it, I was just waiting for you.” His voice was little more than a whisper and partly muffled by his face pressing into the bed.  
  
Arthur’s slippery fingers made short work of Merlin’s entrance. Merlin must have really meant it when he said he’d always wanted it, because it was evident he’d been fingering himself from the eager way his hole stretched. It was like Merlin’s body had been waiting for Arthur to come forward and claim his prize.  
  
Merlin groaned when Arthur’s hands left him, but as soon as Arthur got his clothes off and dug up a condom from his nightstand he forgave him. He arched his back, raising his butt higher than the rest of his body, and offered himself up to Arthur’s cock. He wanted it, needed it, in him. This was the only muscle Arthur’s hands had failed to soothe properly.  
  
“Oh!” Merlin gasped when the head of Arthur’s dick slipped past the first ring of muscle.   
  
“Alright?” Arthur asked. Merlin was so tight, his arse clenched beautifully around his cock, and he was barely able to stop himself from thrusting all the way in.   
  
Merlin took a deep breath and wiggled his arse, pushed himself back further onto Arthur’s cock. Arthur inhaled sharply and his fingernails dug into Merlin’s soft flesh.   
  
“Yeah. Better than alright. You’re—God, you’re bloody perfect.”  
  
Merlin sounded like he couldn’t believe how lucky he was and was afraid that he could lose everything that made him happy at any moment. Arthur felt a wave of affection come over him and leaned forward and placed a wet kiss on Merlin’s back.   
  
“I love you,” he said reassuringly. Merlin sighed and moved an bit further down Arthur’s dick.   
  
“And I love you, Arthur. Now would you please hurry up and fuck me?”  
  
Arthur chuckled at Merlin’s impatience. It seemed he was back to his normal lusty self. He gave Merlin what he wanted. He slowly slid the rest of the way in and positioned himself so he was chest to back with the boy under him, his chin slotted into the curve of Merlin’s neck. Their cheeks brushed as Arthur placed his fingers in the empty spaces between Merlin’s own splayed hands on the bed.  
  
Merlin turned his head to capture Arthur’s lips and they kissed deeply for a moment before Arthur began to rock back and forth slowly. A short burst of air escaped Merlin’s mouth at each thrust and he moaned whenever Arthur’s cock hit the spot deep inside him that sent electric shocks of pleasure through him. The fucking was slow and tender, like a first time should be. There would be plenty of time for frantic, needy sex, but now, especially with Merlin’s bruised body, they made love passionately.   
  
Arthur climaxed first, his dick not being used to the tight heat of Merlin’s arse, and came hard inside of Merlin. Merlin clenched around him and felt the organ pulse with release. He exhaled shakily as Arthur pulled slowly out of him and turned him over.   
  
At first Merlin wasn’t sure what was happening. Then Arthur was butterflying Merlin’s legs and leaning over the v of his thighs, bringing his mouth closer and closer to his own neglected erection.   
  
“Wouldn’t want you staining the bed clothes,” Arthur explained with twinkling blue eyes. He took Merlin into his mouth and sucked like it was his favourite thing in the world. He kept bobbing up and down on it quickly, like he couldn’t get enough.   
  
“Arthur,” Merlin warned. Arthur ignored him. He continued with his current speed, even pursed his lips so they’d wrap tighter around the swollen red shaft. “Arthur!”  
  
Merlin erupted. His body tensed, his toes curled, and his hands twisted the blanket when they really wanted to be tangled in Arthur’s soft blond hair. And Arthur swallowed every last drop.   
  
Arthur pulled off with an obscene smack and grinned up at the shocked Merlin with red lips. “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”  
  
Merlin gaped. “I can’t believe—What made you—Why are you so perfect?!”  
  
Arthur laughed and took off the soiled condom, tied it, and threw it away. He settled next to Merlin in the bed, who rolled onto his side and crossed a leg over Arthur’s waist, laying his head on his shoulder. They laid in pleasant silence, basking in the post-sex nirvana and each other’s warm bodies. After a while, Arthur sighed and began stroking Merlin’s hair.  
  
“I’m sorry it had to be like this,” he said.  
  
Merlin raised his head and looked at Arthur curiously. “What do you mean?”  
  
“That it had to happen under these circumstances. I wanted the first time to be, I don’t know, in a secluded park or after I took you out to dinner or  _some_ thing. Not because a couple of arseholes beat you up and you needed caring for,” Arthur explained. He felt anger threatening to flare up in his chest at the loss of the perfectly planned date. “I didn’t think you’d be covered in bruises or that your lip would be busted open or your eye swollen shut.”  
  
“The swelling will have gone down by tomorrow. I’ll put ice on it.”  
  
“That’s all well and good, but that’s not the point.”  
  
Merlin sighed and put his head back down. Arthur’s hard muscles hurt his aching face, but it was only a little uncomfortable. He would rather endure the pain and cuddle his boyfriend.  
  
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Merlin said. “It’s not your fault.”  
  
“I saw that they weren’t there warming up. I should have—”  
  
“It’s not your fault,” Merlin repeated. “If it hadn’t happened yesterday it would’ve happened some other day. Some things you just can’t avoid.”  
  
“Did you at least put up a fight?” Merlin didn’t say anything, which was answer enough for Arthur. “Merlin!”  
  
“It was two against one, Arthur. I figured if I just let them get it out of their system they would be satisfied and leave me alone. Fighting back would only make them angrier.”  
  
“You have to learn to stand up for yourself, Merlin.”  
  
“Have you seen me? I can barely stand without the wind knocking me down!” Arthur couldn’t deny that. “Arthur, I’m lucky I didn’t end up in hospital. If I tried to retaliate it only would have made things worse. Trust me. When it comes to bullies, I know what I’m talking about.”  
  
The image of Merlin standing alone in a circle of laughing bystanders as Val, George, and Kay ridiculed him came to Arthur’s mind. He again swallowed the explosive anger he could feel rising.  
  
“When I finally tell everyone,” he said, “nobody will dare to mess with you. I’ll still be Arthur Pendragon. And I’ll kick the arse of anybody that even breathes wrong around you.”  
  
Merlin grinned and looked up at Arthur again. “My hero,” he said in falsetto to make Arthur laugh. It worked and the last of Arthur’s anger evaporated.  
  
“What will you do if they’ve told everyone?” Merlin asked. “Val and Kay, I mean. There are bound to be whispers and stares. If you want to deny it at first, I won’t hold it against you.”  
  
“I could never do that to you,” Arthur said automatically. “I don’t know, to be honest. I wouldn’t deny it, but...I might just ignore them, pretend I don’t know what they’re talking about. The rest of the team would back me up and it’d be their word against two blokes that are just mad I embarrassed them. Yeah.” Arthur nodded. “That would work.”  
  
“And after the football season ends? Will you come out then, like we planned?”  
  
That was only a week away now, since there was only one more game to go. Seven days suddenly seemed to be staring Arthur in the face. It had felt like so long before.  
  
“I don’t know, Merlin. If it hadn’t been for the whole incident with George, I probably would have. But now I feel like it’s too soon.” He looked down into Merlin’s eyes, saw the deflated hope amongst the stormy blue irises. “The year’s almost over anyway. It’ll be easier for me to be out once I won’t have to face hundreds of kids staring at me everyday.”  
  
“Oh.” Merlin cast his eyes downward. “I see.” He sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed. “Where are the clothes you said you had for me?”  
  
Arthur, frowning, pointed to the chair beside his computer. They were the smallest size he could find that were all black.   
  
Merlin dressed quickly and Arthur followed his example. When Merlin was sufficiently clothed—the trousers were quite loose, but the shirt wasn’t too bad—he asked, “Can you take me home now?”  
  
“Now? Why?”  
  
“I have a lot of homework to get done.”  
  
Arthur’s frowned deepened. “Is it because of what I said?”  
  
Merlin exploded. “You’re fucking right it’s because of what you said! All this time I thought we could actually go on a real date, not just hang out at my house or go to some stupid arcade. I want you to take me to dinner, or to see a film, or I don’t know, just hold my hand in public for fuck’s sake!”  
  
“We’ll do all those things when the term ends. Don’t be such a girl, Merlin,” Arthur yelled back.  
  
“You  _wish_  I was a girl. Don’t you?”  
  
“No, I don’t! Because I don’t like girls, Merlin, I like guys. And I happen to  _love_  you.”  
  
“Funny way of showing it.”  
  
“I show it just fine. Just because I don’t want to show it to everyone else yet doesn’t make it any less true.”  
  
Merlin huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Just take me home.” He glared at the floor. Arthur thought about refusing, but then the idiot would probably try to walk home, and if Val or Kay happened to see him on his own again they’d put him in hospital for sure.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
Arthur stormed out of the room and down the stairs, not caring if Merlin was keeping up or not. He plucked his keys from the bowl by the door and sat in his car fuming until Merlin got in the passenger seat. He took off before Merlin even closed the door.  
  
The ride back was silent, with Merlin staring hatefully out the window. Arthur’s mood went from angry to worried as he began to think of ways to make Merlin understand. He’d come up with nothing by the time he pulled up in front of Merlin’s house.  
  
Merlin didn’t get out right away. Instead he remained just as silent as ever until finally he snapped and turned to Arthur with the most intense glare Arthur had ever seen.  
  
“You’re so selfish, you know that?” Merlin accused. “If word about us really does get out, you know what’ll happen to  _me_? It’ll be a lot worse than what happened on Friday, trust me. But you probably haven’t even thought about that, have you? You’re too worried about what will happen to your stupid reputation as the perfectly strong, blonde, handsome, and  _straight_  football player. All this time I’ve spent being invisible and unremarkable will suddenly be over. I wish—I wish I’d watched where I was going that day and you never knew I exist in the first place!”  
  
Merlin got out and slammed the door before Arthur could reply. For a moment Arthur thought he should go after him, but there was really nothing he could say. He was surprised he made it home in one piece, because he could hardly see through the tears in his eyes.  
  
****  
  
Kay and Val did tell. They had to give some reason for their injuries as well as their sudden inability to play in the final game of the season. Before the first bell rang, it was all over the school that Arthur had beat up his two teammates for laying into Merlin the day before.  
  
 _—fractured Val’s jaw—_  
  
 _—broke Kay’s nose—_  
  
 _—called Merlin his boyfriend!—_  
  
 _Arthur Pendragon’s gay?!_  
  
 _—explains what happened on Friday—_  
  
 _And we all thought he was just being a good guy..._  
  
Merlin was no longer invisible. Girls tried to appear as if they weren’t talking about him in their circle of whispers, boys stared openly at him with contempt, as if it was his fault their beloved football hero turned poof. Everywhere he walked the crowd parted for him, singling him out among his peers. The emo posers he hated so much took him in with open arms and sympathised with his sorrows. Many of them passed him notes surreptitiously, dramatically dark poems that cursed the cruel ways of the world.   
  
People less openly spoke of Arthur. As long as Arthur said nothing about it, neither did anyone else, and it helped that the rest of his team carried on as if nothing had happened. It was as if Arthur was a king that had done wrong, but nobody wanted to acknowledge the fact. They would pretend all was as usual. Aside from giving him occasional odd looks of course. If Arthur so much as hinted that the rumours were true, they’d stir up a commotion quick as a blink.  
  
It was lunchtime. Arthur was sitting with the team as usual, though Kay and Val were noticeably absent, and Merlin was across the room at his own table. A couple of girls dressed as dark as him sat on either side of him, but Merlin listened to music and ignored them completely.   
  
Arthur noticed Merlin was wearing earplugs instead of his usual over-the-ear headphones. He wondered, correctly, if he’d been listening to music when Kay and Val caught him by surprise and had broken the expensive device as a result. Music was such an important part of Merlin’s life and those headphones were like an extra limb to him.  
  
Arthur didn’t stare at Merlin for long. If he was caught looking long enough a chorus of whispers was sure to start. He could already feel the hundreds of eyes fixed on him.  
  
“How’re you holding up, mate?” Gwaine asked quietly.   
  
“I’ve been better,” Arthur replied.  
  
“You look like shit,” Percival commented.  
  
“So does Merlin,” Lance added. “Though his face looks a lot better.”  
  
Arthur glanced up at the object of their talk and studied the familiar face again. The swelling around Merlin’s eye had indeed gone down. The only evidence of the attack left was the fading bruises on the cheek and neck. The rest of his body was probably still healing as well, but his clothes hid it.  
  
Arthur looked down at his food again. He wasn’t hungry. “I think he hates me now.”  
  
“Why’s that?” Lance asked.  
  
“I told him that I’d tell everyone about us at the end of the season. But with everything that’s happened I just...can’t. I tried to explain that the year’s almost over and we could wait till then, when nobody is constantly watching my every move—”  
  
“They’re watching your every move now anyway,” Gwaine pointed out.  
  
Arthur sighed. “I guess so, yeah.”  
  
“Have you tried talking to him?”  
  
“I called him last night but he wouldn’t answer.”  
  
Talking to him now was out of the question. Everyone was already looking back and forth between them. But how else would Arthur get him to speak to him?  
  
“Maybe I should...” Arthur fidgeted in his seat.  
  
Percival raised an eyebrow. “You know what’ll happen if you do.”  
  
“Yeah, I do. But he looks so...sad.”  
  
“He’s always looked like that. That’s what kids like him look like.”  
  
“Not when he’s with me.”  
  
Arthur blushed as they all shared a round of smiles at his hopeless love for Merlin. Suddenly Arthur seemed to have his mind made up. He  _did_  love Merlin. That’s what made him go beat up those jerks in the first place, that’s what made him bring Merlin home and take care of him, make love to him. Without a second thought, Arthur stood up and began walking purposefully to where Merlin sat before he could lose his nerve.  
  
His team watched with gaping mouths as Arthur approached him. Merlin had his eyes closed and jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.   
  
“What do you want?” He asked, taking an earplug out of one of his large ears.  
  
“We need to talk,” Arthur said.  
  
“No, we really don’t. You seem to have made it perfectly clear what you want.” He moved to put the plug back in but Arthur yanked on his arm and pulled him up out of his chair. “What—”  
  
“I don’t think I have, Merlin.”  
  
Arthur ignored the stares of the two girls at Merlin’s table. He ignored the gasp that seemed to rise up in unison around the room, and the stunned silence that followed. He simply kissed Merlin with all his heart, like they were the only two people left in the world.   
  
Merlin’s body was tense at first. He couldn’t believe it was really happening. Then Arthur’s hand settled on the back of his neck and he let himself relax and kiss back. He felt his arms wrap around Arthur’s waist and a voice in the back of his head was saying “Don’t push it, Merlin,” but Arthur didn’t seem to mind. In fact he pulled their bodies closer and deepened the kiss by sliding his tongue between Merlin’s soft lips.   
  
“Was that clear enough for you?” Arthur asked with a wry smile when they parted.   
  
Merlin glanced around the room at the wide eyes of the student body before letting his gaze settle back on Arthur. Arthur’s eyes never left Merlin’s face. He feared he might crack if he saw the stares of his fellow students.  
  
“Not quite,” Merlin said with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Still a bit foggy.”  
  
Arthur chuckled and kissed him again. This time a chorus of cheers went up from behind them and Arthur recognised the voices of his teammates. The broken silence nudged the students out of their shock and more than a few pulled out their mobiles to take photos.  
  
“Come eat lunch with me?” Arthur whispered into the kiss.  
  
“You sure?”  
  
“Positive. We suddenly seem to have two seats available.”  
  
“Alright. If you insist.”  
  
“I do insist.”  
  
Arthur took Merlin’s hand—his  _boyfriend’s_  hand—and led him back to the table. The others shifted their positions so the two could sit next to each other. They returned to normal talk even though the rest of the room was buzzing about what just happened. Merlin’s hand in his own stopped Arthur from freaking out.  
  
****  
  
When the football match came around, people had got used to seeing Merlin and Arthur together. It was common for them to be seen walking down the corridor holding hands, or kissing each other goodbye before they parted to go to their separate classes. Merlin was never invisible again, but he was okay with that if it meant he could be with Arthur. At least no one bullied him anymore. It was understood who he belonged to.  
  
Arthur begged Merlin to come to his last game and only got Merlin to agree by way of trickery. He went down on Merlin one day after school, and by the time Arthur asked “Will you come to the match on Saturday?” Merlin had been screaming “Yes, yes, yes!” for a while.  
  
So there Merlin was in the top row of the crowd, watching Arthur sweat as he ran up and down the field kicking the ball. And there Merlin was, kissing Arthur in front of all those cheering people, after Arthur made the winning point.


End file.
